The Sage is on holiday for the next week or so. However, since the Minions have gone to such trouble to make the Mystic Cave festive for the occasion, here are this week's Seekers:
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2011/12/christmas_advice_on_changing_traditions_estranged_relatives_religious_hypocrisy_and_unwanted_gifts_.single.html
1. The Sage understands that you do not wish life to change beyond what existed when you were a wee tot, and are justifyably angry that your sister-in-law dare wish to be with her own original family while including her husband's original family. The Sage can only comfort you with the thought that sometimes, entire households are erased when travelling during the holidays, particularly if conditions are poor or if the driver or a driver encountered has been imbibing excessively.
V. The Sage womders why you would care so to get the entire family together, when by your own admission, none of you get along. Rather than trying desperately to have someone invite the combatants - or rather your relatives - drive across town to descend upon a single individual's home, locate a restaurant which will be open on Christmas Day and which will tolerate the lot of you occupying a reasonable section of the establishment for the short time in which all parties will be able to restrain their impulses to quarrel.
2. The Sage recognizes that many families have one or more member who simply refuses to get along with the others, and that this person may later seek forgiveness from those whom he or she has wronged. You are not evil to wish to avoid contact with this person. However, you cannot accept his largesse silently. If you intend to maintain your concerned distanced, you must return the gifts with a polite note that you prefer not to reignite this relationship. Keeping them only tells him that you are both rude and avaricious.
3. The Sage too wonders why your entire family must be dragged to a religious service twice a year, when not even your hosts take their religion seriously. However, you are not free to change the habits of anyone but yourself and any minor children you happen to have brought along. Infrom your family that you have made other plans during this time slot. You may imply that you will be meeting with an old friend, even if your plans consist entirely of driving around the block until they are gone and returning to read a good book.
4. The Sage is please that around the age of thirty, you and your sister are finally adults. Your aunt and uncle care about you, but acknowledge that they do not know you well enough to select a gift which would be meaningful to either of you. The Sage continued to receive two small bills in a birthday card every year from a sainted grandmother until the day the grandmother died. If you feel silly accepting the checks, write an equal one to the charity of your choice.
(The Lesser Advisor also gave excellent advice to this Seeker.)
The Sage will now retreat back into the Mystic Cave to continue holiday festivities, and hopes to re-emerge in or about the new year. May all Minions, Acolytes, and Seekers have a safe and pleasant year's end.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Sage and the Familial Seekers
Today's Seekers may be found here. http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2011/12/boyfriend_is_allergic_to_cats_should_i_give_mine_up_.html
1. The Sage appreciates your concern for the welfare of your cat, and your desire to be with the man whom you love. Remember that it will be more satisfying to relocate the cat and visit him regularly, than to find a new lover for your gentleman friend and to hope for visitation rights.
2. The Sage would point out that many individuals never receive gifts - spontaneous or toherwise - from the objects of their affection. Accept that he is loving you in the way that he is able to love you. Begin reminding him a week or so before special events, so that he may rush out and buy or hurry and order your gifts in time for you to receive them on your special day.
3. The Sage is pleased that you and your husband have been able to work out your religious differences in a way that works for you. As you have already explained to your son that Grandma and Grandpa selebrate different holidays than you do, permit him to share their joy in opening a present on "their" holiday. Most children care little for the wrapping paper of a gift, and simple want to rip it off to see what is beneath. Adding a holiday not your own should not lessen the joy of your own celebrations, particularly as you are active in your religious practices with him.
4. The Sage recognizes that many people have literal dreams of their childhood places, and that many adults dream of a return to those carefree years, when they were not expected to make important decisions or to fend for themselves. However, the Sage assures you that were you to enter the house now, even if it were completely empty, it would only disturb those happy memories with thoughts of, "When did they move that wall?" "The bed belongs near the window, not there!" and "I can believe how run down this place looks!" Cherish the memories and peruse photographs from your childhood. There is a reason for the expression, "You can't go home again."
1. The Sage appreciates your concern for the welfare of your cat, and your desire to be with the man whom you love. Remember that it will be more satisfying to relocate the cat and visit him regularly, than to find a new lover for your gentleman friend and to hope for visitation rights.
2. The Sage would point out that many individuals never receive gifts - spontaneous or toherwise - from the objects of their affection. Accept that he is loving you in the way that he is able to love you. Begin reminding him a week or so before special events, so that he may rush out and buy or hurry and order your gifts in time for you to receive them on your special day.
3. The Sage is pleased that you and your husband have been able to work out your religious differences in a way that works for you. As you have already explained to your son that Grandma and Grandpa selebrate different holidays than you do, permit him to share their joy in opening a present on "their" holiday. Most children care little for the wrapping paper of a gift, and simple want to rip it off to see what is beneath. Adding a holiday not your own should not lessen the joy of your own celebrations, particularly as you are active in your religious practices with him.
4. The Sage recognizes that many people have literal dreams of their childhood places, and that many adults dream of a return to those carefree years, when they were not expected to make important decisions or to fend for themselves. However, the Sage assures you that were you to enter the house now, even if it were completely empty, it would only disturb those happy memories with thoughts of, "When did they move that wall?" "The bed belongs near the window, not there!" and "I can believe how run down this place looks!" Cherish the memories and peruse photographs from your childhood. There is a reason for the expression, "You can't go home again."
Thursday, December 1, 2011
(Pre-)Winter Sage
1. The Sage cries Poppycock! You have enough genetic information about your family from your father and siblings, which is more than many people have now, and as much as most people had in the early 1950's. Admit to yourself that you are simply overly curious. Feel free to test yourself for the gene carrying your niece's disease, but respect your father's wishes and make no inquiries as to his origins until his hopefully distant demise.
2. The Sage would point out that whether your husband flushes or rinses, water is still going down the drain when he urinates. This is a disgusting and juvenile habit which he needs to stop right now. Purchase him a male portable urinal and suggest he carry it around, and once he pours the full container into a toilet, to feel proud that he saved the water for a couple of extra flushes.
3. The Sage will not give you permission to harm this woman farther. She either does not know of the affair, or more likely, has accepted that her husband was unfaithful and has put it behind her. Telling her about it now in the form of an apology would serve no usefull purpose. Speak to someone to help you get over your obsession with this man, made evident by your compulsion to search the Internet for information about him.
4. The Sage suggests that you invite this friend and her fiance to a dinner with only a few people she actually knows well, preferably just you with your partner and she with hers. You admit that she is very shy. Having a fiance does not change her character; it only provides additional support from a loving man when she does find herself unexpectedly out of her element.
2. The Sage would point out that whether your husband flushes or rinses, water is still going down the drain when he urinates. This is a disgusting and juvenile habit which he needs to stop right now. Purchase him a male portable urinal and suggest he carry it around, and once he pours the full container into a toilet, to feel proud that he saved the water for a couple of extra flushes.
3. The Sage will not give you permission to harm this woman farther. She either does not know of the affair, or more likely, has accepted that her husband was unfaithful and has put it behind her. Telling her about it now in the form of an apology would serve no usefull purpose. Speak to someone to help you get over your obsession with this man, made evident by your compulsion to search the Internet for information about him.
4. The Sage suggests that you invite this friend and her fiance to a dinner with only a few people she actually knows well, preferably just you with your partner and she with hers. You admit that she is very shy. Having a fiance does not change her character; it only provides additional support from a loving man when she does find herself unexpectedly out of her element.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)