Thursday, March 25, 2010

Hurried Sage

The Sage was away from the Mystic Cave today, so this is a repost of what was stated on the Lesser Advisor's site. The Seekers may be found here.

The original of this post may be found here.

1. The Sage inisists that you absolutely must share this with your father immediately. After all, he certainly has a right to know about his mother's torrid sexual history. What harm could it do, after all, besides shaking your father's sense of self, causing him to lose respect for his mother, and feeling lost when condolences are offered once your grandfather does pass, in addition to your having violated your grandmother's trust. But what a small price to pay for your father to know that probably in come cemetery somewhere is the biological father whom he will never know, because of being loving raised by the imposter who is now dealing with that tiny little condition known as Alzheimer's?

2. The Sage demands that you go door to door, airing your dirty laundry about your ex-wife, complete with a multitude of explitives, and then continue the conversations to express how kind and loving your and your wife are. Naturally, the neighbors will admire your attempting to set the record straight and involving them in a nasty family matter involving a potentially ill jilted spouse. This of necessity will make all your neighbors feel more warm and kindly to all of you, and eager to bring you and your current wife into their homes, so as to encourage your ex to pay them an eye-opening visit. Alternately, permit them to assume that the ex is deranged, and continue to get to know the two of you on your own merits.

3. The Sage wonders why Karen isn't consulting the Sage if she is the one with this dilemma. The Sage wonders also why Karen is incapable of telling Eileen that this is simply an inconvenient time, and perhaps offering to assist her in locating a suitable, inexpensive, and safe hotel. However, since Karen is not the Seeker, and it is not your problem, the Sage will abstain from becoming involved in a third party's vexation.

4. It is the Sage's experience that when one casts aspersions upon oneself, that one is hoping that the listener will assure the speaker of the absurdity of the claims being made. As to the second query, simple questions demand simple answers. "No" sounds appropriate in this case, if that indeed is the truth. You might add, as appropriate and if you feel generous, that you were made aware of the position in part due to her having known of the opening.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Spring Sage

Ah, Spring. A time when the birds sing, the flowers bloom, the wind howls, and everyone descends into various states of madness. When the projects which the mere Voters rejected numerous times finally come to fruition at the politicians' behest. When the working classes dash about to pay their Tributes to Caesar. When the Minions' thoughts turn toward the cleaning and airing out of the Mystic Cave, and their curiosity gets the better of them when they happen across forgotten containers. When the mischievous Cupid has a new supply of arrows fashioned during the winter. When the young Scholars risk successful completion of their studies in order to have more time for daytime frolickings.

No, there are no Seekers lined up to inquire of the Sage today. The creek has risen with recent precipitation, and the trip up the mountain to the Mystic Cave is more perilous than at other times of the year. The Sage is able to bask in the sun, at least mentally, to peruse some long anticipated scrolls, and generally to re-energize in preparation for the many Seekers hoping to find easy remedies for the repercussions of their spring feverishness.

Ah, Spring.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Surly Sage

The Sage continues to marvel at the waste of time, energy, and alertness imposed upon our society in a semi-annual attempt to pretend that the sun is overhead when it is still on th e rise. The Sage has yet to comprehend why people who wish to have an earlier evening simply do not themselves begin their days an hour earlier, rather than insisting that the world join them in this costly jest.

However, the Sage will now continue onto answering this week's Seekers, who may be found here:

1. The Sage commends you on your strong memory and fully supports your right to find fault in a young man who, being the same age as yourself, was himself being babysat when these terrible crimes occurred. The earth has a long history of community responsibility, by which an entire culture must be punished for the crimes of any of its members. How enlighted you are to confine this merely to anyone who shares DNA with your molestor! By all means, you must announce to this young man the sins of his father - oops, GRANDfather, who surely tutored him daily on how to select his young, innocent victims and must certainly have given him a list of former victims to terrorize. Hesitate not to make this announcement during class, so that this apprentice reprobate might have his reputation ruined for life, lest he ever consider repeating his ancestor's actions, for which the youth must surely himself be guilty.

2. The Sage realizes that this child must be permanently traumatized by what he saw, as evidence by the fact that he has not mentioned it to you. Naturally, he could not possibly think that Mommy and Daddy were "playing" when he entered the room. Certainly, the mere fact that he was able to calmly explain his bright breakfact concept proves that he can no longer think clearly, being totally obsessed with what sort of games his parents involve themselves in during his nightly absences. Sit the child down immediately with the "Kama Sutra", in order to help enlighten him in the truth of what he may have seen in the dark. Have your husband available, to provide live interpretaions of anything about which he may be unclear. If your child is fortunate, your adult friends will get wind of his eduation, and the society will find him a more suitable household in which to be reared.

3. The Sage fails to comprehend how any woman might feel protective toward a product of her own womb, who has had only one serious relationship since the age many people are graduating from college, and that with a woman who was at the time the relationship began the age at which most people graduate from high school. This must mest be taught how mature and adult you and her son are, with your vast store of worldly experience. Start surreptitiously, with notes tossed into your beau's laundry, threatening her with vile consequnces should she handle his Joe Boxer's again. Follow this up by screaming at her when he is ill, so that to regain some peace and quiet, he will insist that she leave while he lies feverishly upon his bed. If this fails to cement the role of the primary woman in your swain's life, the Sage fears nothing will.

4. The Sage has heard of these intriguing cards of which you speak. The Sage actually saves every date, as the Sage intends to be immortal, and every date in the future is one which the Sage plans to savor. What the Sage intends to do on these days is a different matter entirely. What the Sage does not intend to do is to shake down complete strangers who might have a decent income to provide niceties for the the Sage's future, nor to respond to requests of those eager to acquire assests from the Mystic Cave. This is a situation for which companies such as Hallmark or American Greetings are extremely convenient. The next time you are visiting your local retailers, acquire a card which wishes this couple well. Sign your name, and your spouse's name if it was listed. Mail this greeting to the happy couple, and consider your obligation to be fulfilled.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Sagely riches

Today's Seekers ( seem to concentrate strongly on financial matters, with one notable exception. However, this exception is concerned about something more valuable than earthly riches.

1. The Sage has nothing to add to that stated by the Lesser Advisor other than this: The Sage sincerely hopes that you are not of such a conservative background that you believe this infection is grounds to make your child motherless. Rarely, this can be passed to a child at birth by its mother. Tell yourself this is what happened and go on about your life.

2. The Sage is aware that many couples become betrothed and then choose rings together. This prevents the misfortune of a gentleman spending a fortune on a ring which the woman either rejects by declining the engagement or simply dislikes. Purchase an inexpensive ring with a pretty stone, perhaps her birthstone or yours, as a token of your love. If she spurns you or your gift, you will realize her superficiality goes far deeper than you had suspected, and you can cut your losses.

3. The Sage believes that life is too short to be stuck in a profession which one detests. Since your husband is supportive, consider this venture to be setting an example to your young child in following one's dreams.

4. The Sage is not in the habit of encouraging illegal gambling. However, were the Sage to do so, the host would advised to act like "the house", and leave one's own wager out. A more fun yet magnanimous gesture might be that you and your spouse both play, but either return whatever funds the two of you might win, or use those winnings to treat your friends to another party sans cover charge.

The Sage must now depart the Mystic Cave for a time. The Keepers of Scrolls have informed the Sage that there is a penalty awaiting for failure to return a given scroll in a timely manner. The Minions must be duely chastised.