Thursday, February 23, 2012

Self-serving Seekers

Today's Seekers may be found here:

1. The Sage concurs that your wife and her former coworker must be evil souls, for daring to become friendly with one another after years of interacting closely at work. You must pack up your young sons and move in with your aged mother while these two are partying at dull business meetins, as no other woman could possibly be good enough for you. This will also ensure that your sons grow up to be as confident and trusting as you obviously are.

(The Sage recently returned from a similar Pilgrimage in a warm location, travelling only with a coworker of the opposite gender - and approximately 5400 other Souls.)

2. The Sage wonders whether your definition of "shrug it off" differs from the Sage's. Generally, this means one has stated that something was of no great import. Perhaps your son is simply not a demonstrative adult. However, to ease your own mind, you must make the "long car drive" to his home and cammp upon his front door until your have forced him into the cathartic experience that apparently only you need. This will surely make him ever more eager to see you.

3. The Sage has met few Souls indeed who do not need the jobs they have. Even when there are employers aplenty begging for one person's services, that person usually needs at least one job. However, not all individuals are cut out for any given job. Someone who is magnificicent at programming or building a computer may have been a terrible surgeon. Give an honest evaluation of this employee, as this is the job for which you are being remunerated now. The Sage is grateful that you are not one of the Minions with your avowed lack of loyalty to your employer, even to the neglect of your current duties.

4. The Sage commends your on your delicate sensibilities, and think you have devised a magnificent plan to force your wonderful housekeeper to deny the call of nature when it strikes. This woman seems to be the definition of "regularity", and it is most assuredly better to force her to rush to a gas station to relieve herself before soiling herself rather than for you simply to providing a strong air freshener in the room which was designed for the purpose for which she is using it.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Oracle and the Great Sage, together.

Today's Seekers may be found here:

1. The Oracle says that those embarassed by their beloved are unlikely to remain with them.

The Sage wonders how your children might look.

2. The Oracle says that commitment is more important than time.

The Sage suggests you elope a week before the wedding and have someone surreptitiously record the responses. If you began dating in October, it will have been 11 months since then when you marry.

3. The Oracle recalls that Hell has no fury like a woman scorned.

The Sage relishes the idea of an "accidental" meeting of the two women while you and your fiance are out.

4. The Oracle says neither a borrower nor a lender be.

The Sage would remind you that money can damage even the best relationship. If you know of something that she needs, feel free to offer it, or even buy it outright. There are women and men in the world who prey upon well-to-do bachelors and bachelorettes or widowers and widows. Only your instincts or a private investigator would tell you if she is one fo these or not.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Saging out of the family

Today's Seekers are here:

 1. The Sage commends you on having such a wonderful life. How fortunate you are that, unlike your step-daughter, you have found a wonderful man with whom to live out your life. Naturally, putting your life on hold for 28 months or so is beyond reason for any person as generous and kind-hearted as you. Between your husband having reared the loser who bore this child and your own magnanimous attitude, she may be better off babysitting her half-siblings, after all.

2. The Sage agrees that this person enjoys the attention, which rather than compassion is why she had been so helpful. The Sage recommends that you have someone not currently dealing with such grief look up a number of internet articles about children the ages of your non-friend's brood, who are either dying from rare ailments, being arrested for heinous crimes, or whose whereabouts are unknown because of stranger abduction. When she begins her usual come-uppance, tell her that reminds you of an article your recently read, and send her a randomly selected link from this list.

3. The Sage wonders how another couple's copulation or lack thereof has become such fascinating fodder for discussion for you and yours. The next time either of these two mention their sex lives, you should suggest that a professional therapist would be much more appropriate a resource to help them with this segment of their lives than would the gossip fence or the grapevine. The Sage suspects that perhaps the marriage is not as sexless as you believe, but rather the couple felt there was no good way to announce to everyone that they had finally had sex. The rest of you need to drop the subject.

4. The Sage finds it interesting that you would consider an item that you made something to remember this woman by, instead of some object that she made or treasured. Certainly you consider that this was something she indeed treasured, and you thought of her while working on the quilt. Your request to have this item is not unreasonable, but it is unreasonable to expect your husband to get into the fight. Heirlooms, whether made, purchased, or found next to the neighbor's garbage receptacle, belong to the descendants of the deceased. If your husband wants the quilt for himself, then he should have been the one to ask for it.