Thursday, May 27, 2010

Summer Sage

As it finally has now exceeded 90° F outside the Mystic Cave, the Sage welcomes the longest season of the year, summer. It is anticipated that this season should end sometime in September or October or possibly November; being replaced by a few weeks each of autumn, winter, and spring.

This week's Seekers are located here.

1. The Sage commends you on recognizing the correct path, that of encouraging your mother's poor decisions and of endangering the security and peacefulness of your own home. You must inform your husband that you will be staying at your mother's home for the entire time that your mother is gone, plus a few days before and a few days after her trip, in order to make the transition for this destructive child much easier. After all, should your mother become disabled or deceased, you will need to know how to be the fulltime caregiver for the child and possibly for your mother.

2. The Sage recognizes that your overpowering love for this young man who you scarcely know must be paramount in your decisions. Insist that he withdraw from school immediately, so that you may begin to llive your fantasy with him. Being the older and surely wiser member of this yet-to-be coupling, you must not risk your own employment situation, but must begin preparations to support him as a future stay-at-home father to your many children. Do not let him deny his love for you, as it surely must be.

3. The Sage concurs with the concept of living eachday as though it may be your last. Regrettably, this is more true for you than for most. Rather than dwelling upon your eventual demise - which happens to all at some point - concentrate on making the best memories for your children that you can. This does not mean taking them from school and making a whirlwind tour of every amusement park in the country, but rather trying to convey to them in however much time you may have your values and your love for them. While the average expectancy may be only five years, your own timeline may be considerably longer, or possibly even a bit shorter. Remind yourself that every day that you can function well is a gift, and live it to its fullest.

4. The Sage suggest that you lie. You suddenly have developed a condition in your back forbidding you to lift something of the weight of these bottles. Inform the ladies that a more athletic one of them must now assume this responsibility. Lesser Advisors would recommend that you discuss this with management and encourage them to get the sort of water coolers which do not require one to heft large jugs.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Sage Employment

Today' Seekers may be for here. All appear to have something to do with work situations, or in the case of the ex-spouse of the first Seeker, finding something to do with years of experience stamping out license plates.

1. The Sage would have you tread on the side of caution regarding protection of your children. However, unless and until the boy's father, whom you chose to mate with, gives up his rights to his son or has them removed by court order, you must permit visitation. The Sage recommends that you first consult an attorney to ensure that this man is still legally permitted to be around young boys. Assuming he is - that his crime was of a non-violent nature such as public urination, insist on supervised visitation only. Have your current husband and another male, preferably a blood relative of your son, remain in your home while you take your daughter elsewhere. When the visit is over, return home and debrief your husband. No, not THAT type of debriefing; find out what happened during your absence. The Sage suspects that the glitter will wear quickly off of seeing his son and being asked about support, without the ex being able to have the boy alone or to have you there to start an argument with. Ask the attorney how long the ex must go without contact or support payments for you to petition the court to terminate his rights for abandonment, unless he is willing to do so without a protracted fight.

Incidentally, if step-parent becomes a possibility, ask the boy before having the step-father adopt him. Some children have different worries than the adults expct which should be addresssed, and others simply do not wish to be adopted at all. Make sure your husband knows that if your marriage ends, he will be responsible for support, but probably denied visitation. That was the case at least for the men whom the Sage has met who had adopted step-children and subsequently divorced the mother.

2. The Sage recommend that you lay it on the line with these recruiters and with any potential employers or contacts who make the same inquiry. Remind them that millions of people are without gainful employment, and that you highly resent any implication that you have been lax in your attempts to alter your situation. Do not fail to ask as to whether their own positions might be available soon. Be certain to whine about difficulties you may have had which are beyond that which you perceive most unemployed individuals have endured. These tips should avoid the danger of competing with the many other under- or unemployed Seekers you may encounter.

3. The Sage believes in the axiom, "The more, the merrier." You most definitely should interfere with your mother-in-law's attack upon your alma mater. Decisively defend your mother and your uncle, and any other friends or family who happen to be involved in this in-bred, er ... well-bred institution of learning. Eventually, the fall-out should include your in-laws, your family of origin, and countless ... well, several others involved in some capacity with this school. At some point, your school should make the news, perhaps even the national news, so that millions of others may also know of your ire at your mother-in-law's over-zealous defense of her child. This near-adult (the graduate) should not be molly-coddled in the least, nor should her classmates. The enormous embarassment resulting from the character assassination of her peers and public ridicule of her educational background is minimal compared to ensuring that you are correct, even if it means that your family must begin a new school for your own daughter someday to attend.

4. The Sage is aware of the many varied things which can go on behind a closed door, and the greater variety of things which may be imagined by those with less than pure minds. Since the woman has been laid off, she probably has no standing at the conference other than as a hopeful passing out resumes and generally annoying the company representatives who will be attending to promote their companies. Doubtless they would not want to be pestered by well-qualified and interested candidates for any positions available within their businesses. Stand your ground and insist that this woman stay home, or failing that, find the means to pay for her own room. The Sage has been informed that many young and adventurous women find many forms of temporary employment and temporary quarters during conventions, especially from middle-aged men whose wives are not in attendance. In addition, demand that you be permitted to accompany this man to the conference. Keep abreast of him every moment, eyeing each woman or metro-sexual male with suspicion. Question him endlessly as to the motivation behind each glance and each word spoken by him or toward him. In this way, you can be positive that you never again need to concern yourself as to his faithfulness to you.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Graduated Sage

1. The Sage disagrees with your assessment that this is none of your affair. How dare this slacker colleague force you to overwork in order to get his jollies on the clock! Next time you speak with him, inform him that he must perform his share of the duties at the office. Tell him that if he is unable to adjust his social calendar to keep his personal affairs off of company time, then he must remain at the office longer each day to make up for his lassitude. ASsure him that he needn't worry about his young family, as you have just the person in mind to fulfill his conjugal duties at his home.

2. The Sage recognizes that, naturally, work is all about feelings. Take the woman to lunch, Cry literally on her shoulder at how hurt you felt by her audacious attempt at undermining your worth as a person in suggesting an improvement which had not sprouted directly from your own extensive year of experience. Make certain that your boss in the other state and others about your local office learn of this, as well, so that everyone is forced to remmeber that your feelings are tantamount in the office, and that everyone should tread light so as not to damage them in any way. This will ensure that no one in that office is ever tempted again to enact such a despicable scheme.

3. The Sage will ask but one question: Is it a deal-breaker? If it is, move on. If you can easily envision yourself living this way for the next 60 years or so, go through with the wedding.

The Sage will ask a second question, but of the Lesser Advisor. Why is a man's sexual orientation always called into question when his urges are less strong than that of his mate? Perhaps she smells and he is unable to figure out how to tell her without hurting her feelings. Or perhaps he simply isn't as interested in sex as she is. That does not necessarily equate to his pining for a young man to be in her stead.
4. The Sage recommends that you handle these rude remarks with a succinct, "In that case, feel free not to attend." If anyone implies an expense which they seem to expect your mother to cover, remind them that you did not send them an invitation, because you cannot in good faith expect your mother to cover such expenses. The Sage is at a loss as to why anyone who has only shown you meanness and criticism would be in the least interested in flying across the country for your graduation. You probably could have announced early on that you were only given so many tickets for the event, but it is probably too late for that now.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Sage is Sage, but Laurel is a Twig.

Yesterday, the Sage was assailed by a snippet of that lesser Advisor known for her doctorate in physiology. A young, female Seeker was concerned that perhaps her feelings regarding a childhood molestation had been trivialized by her parents. When the "doctor" pressed for details, the Seeker mentioned that her father had "attacked" the near-adult cousin who had perpetrated the act. "Dr" L answered that "that was acknowledgement enough." When the Seeker mentioned lesser incidents during her adolescence, the "good doctor" told the Seeker that since she had been "getting off" on this attention, she needed to deal with her own "guilt" and leave her parents out of it.

The Sage is incensed. Even if the parents reacted strongly when first hearing of this incident, there is no evidence that they did not subsequently sweep it under the rug. The parents failed to protect their child by preventing further contact with this child molestor as she matured. Even if a child "gets off" on being molested or otherwise inappropriately misused by an adult, they cannot be held at fault. It is the duty of the adult NOT to harm the child, and that of her parents and other caring adults who know that an evil person has harmed her to keep her away from this vile soul.

People like this "doctor" give power to abusers, molestors, and rapists by making the violation the responsibility of the victim. She is an accessory in harming this youth, and the Sage strongly detests those who harm the young or others who are vulnerable.

Sage advice to this young Seeker, should she happen upon the Mystic Cave:

By all means you must speak with your parents. Tell them that you feel they devalued you and cared more about the feelings of your relatives than about their own child's safety and well-being. If you are fortunate, they will acknowleedge their wrong-doing and help you work through this now. If they continue to insist that you "make nice" with your contemptable cousin and the other common relations, then you need to disavow yourself of the family you were born with, and find a group of loving friends to be the new family of your own making.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

A Bouquet of Sage

The Sage understands that this Sunday is the day that all the sons and daughters who have ignored their mothers for no particular reason feel obliged to e-mail them or perhaps send them a mass-produced card. People who have had good reasons to ignore their mothers will feel compelled to contact them, in spite of the damage it might do to their own psyches. And people who have tried to maintain good relations with their mothers will continue to do teh same this Sunday, regardless of the date of the calendar.

Some of these various people are this week's Seekers, who may be found here.

1. The Sage certainly supports your feelings. How dare your mother have a failing prior to your birth! She should have been aware that you'd eventually been born and eventually find out. What did it matter whether her options might have been posing for these, selling drugs, or starving? She should at least have posted these pictures around your nursery, so it wouldn't have been such as shock now that you are older. However, the Sage suggests that you gently tell your mother how conflicted you are feeling about this. Together, you can work through those negative feelings. Holding this in will only harm you.

2. The Sage can't understand why anyone could possibly have been born to do anything more than remain tied to their mothers' apron strings their whole life, and to live as a serf under their patronage until inheriting whatever pittance they have saved for you. Unbelievably, your mother seems to be some sort of rare aberration who feels that her child(ren) should be independent adults. She actually expects you to put your own needs first, while somehow still caring for her and helping where you can. The Sage is at a loss as to handle such deviants, other than to honor their true wishes for building your best possible future.

3. The Sage finds your mother to be more the sort expected of most Seekers, rather than the loving, caring parents demonstrated above. This is an unreasonable demand being placed upon you, your sister, and the friend's daughter. Look into helping her apply for SSI or whatever welfare is available in your mother's state, such as foodstamps. The Sage accepts that your mother should not be the burden of the state, but if your permit her to drain you financially, you may be in need of such assistance yourself soon. If your mother was married to your father at his death, or for at least 10 years before the marriage ended, she may be entitled to some Social Security Survivors Benefits, which you father did earn.

4. The Sage agrees that people should be kind to others (despite the Sage's typical advice), but strongly disagrees that there is something inherently wrong with being popular. The Sage envisions that you were one of the "dorky girls" as a youth. Explain to the girls that even if the girls did not want to be their friend for some reason, she is still deserving of respect as a human being, and that you cannot accept their taunting behavior, even if it is not directly in front of this girl. Such things have a way of getting around until they get back to the target of such derision.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Spring Sage (kerchoo!)

Greetings, Seekers. The Sage apologizes for having been away from the Mystic Cave. The Seekers of last week, who may be found here positively flooded the Mystic Cave. The Sage was able to dash off a quick response during the evacuation, which may be found here In addition, the bear inhabiting the Mystic Cave of late is fully out of hibernation, and its cubs have grown both large and curious.

The Sage will now address the short-answer Seekers found here.

To the Seeker with the bare housemate: By all means create a scene. This is your home, and you have the right to determine who does what in it. Assert your rights, and demand that all your housemates conform to your sensibilities or that they all find another place to live this summer. After all, it would be better to room with 5 unknowns than to be the one fly in the ointment opposing this man's nudity.

To the Seeker with the nephew eager to bathe his cousins: Keep your children away from this boy. If you must be around him, insist that your children remain in your sight at all times. Better that you offend your family than you permit him to misuse your offspring. Share your concerns with the child's parents. This may well be a symptom of the boy himself having been sexualized, and your concerns may help them help him.

To the uninvited friend: You don't. It's not.

To the blushing bride: The Sage fails to comprehend why more people don't engage in annual renewal of vows, complete with gift registries. Certainly no one outside of invited guests to your wedding would welcome an announcement - as opposed to an invitation - or consider sending a gift without attending a formal ball, complete with 7-course dinner.

What? Another wedding question? And a non-invitation question at that! Spring fever must be in the air. As mentioned above, surely you would never consider sending your two friends a small wedding present with a congratulatory card. Obviously, that could only be taken for the insult which it must surely be.

The Sage doubts you could alienate any couple who manage international travel, yet fail to find funds to schedule a visit to the grandmother of their children, and who then extend such a warm welcome as to graciously permit you one full day with your grandchildren. Perhaps they were in need of a sitter that day? The Sage recommends that you let them know that you hope for a longer visit, considering the not-inconsiderable expense involved, and suggest that if that isn't workable for them, that the four of them come to visit you.

To the Seeker with the neurological condition: The Sage believes that the best way is to find a way to work this into casual conversation. For instance, before the two of you go out for a climb to the Mystic Cave, state that you must remember to take your medication before you leave. This opens the conversation for him to ask or for you to volunteer for what reason this medication is needed.

Skipping the chitchat to the Seeker of employment: Inform your friend that you didn't want to waste the time of the Human Resourrces personnel to interview you a position for which you felt unqualified or merely disinterested. The friend may have been trying to help you get your foot in the door of what is perceived as a good company, so don't bristle too strongly.

The Sage sees no reason not to ask how George is faring, if you've been on any sort of speaking relationship. He may be away on a trip, deployed, or hospitalized; and your concern may be appreciated. Be aware, however, that your kind thoughts may be taken as an excuse to debrief you on what "that louse" has done of late.

To the Seeker from Providence: Providence has brought you to the Sage, who recommends that you wear a paper bag over your head at all such events in the future.

The Sage has never condoned compromise, in which for instance you might get your small wedding and he his formal one. Put your foot down and tell him it's your way or the highway.

The Sage sees many options for a college student lacking direction. At the bottom of the list is forcing the student to continue studies which she has no interest in taking. The parents might require their adult child support herself for the year, or require that she do volunteer work in order to continue to enjoy their support, or perhaps work with the young woman to help her decide what would attract her attention. Poor interest reflects in poor grades, and forcing a student to attend often results in a dropout with no intention ever to return to school to complete a degree. Also consider having her take career guidance exams, to see if perhaps she'd have more interest in a different field of study.

The Sage must now return to the Lean-To. A strong breeze is coming up, and the Minions need direction on how best to shore up the temporary quarters.