Thursday, May 13, 2010

Graduated Sage

1. The Sage disagrees with your assessment that this is none of your affair. How dare this slacker colleague force you to overwork in order to get his jollies on the clock! Next time you speak with him, inform him that he must perform his share of the duties at the office. Tell him that if he is unable to adjust his social calendar to keep his personal affairs off of company time, then he must remain at the office longer each day to make up for his lassitude. ASsure him that he needn't worry about his young family, as you have just the person in mind to fulfill his conjugal duties at his home.

2. The Sage recognizes that, naturally, work is all about feelings. Take the woman to lunch, Cry literally on her shoulder at how hurt you felt by her audacious attempt at undermining your worth as a person in suggesting an improvement which had not sprouted directly from your own extensive year of experience. Make certain that your boss in the other state and others about your local office learn of this, as well, so that everyone is forced to remmeber that your feelings are tantamount in the office, and that everyone should tread light so as not to damage them in any way. This will ensure that no one in that office is ever tempted again to enact such a despicable scheme.

3. The Sage will ask but one question: Is it a deal-breaker? If it is, move on. If you can easily envision yourself living this way for the next 60 years or so, go through with the wedding.

The Sage will ask a second question, but of the Lesser Advisor. Why is a man's sexual orientation always called into question when his urges are less strong than that of his mate? Perhaps she smells and he is unable to figure out how to tell her without hurting her feelings. Or perhaps he simply isn't as interested in sex as she is. That does not necessarily equate to his pining for a young man to be in her stead.
4. The Sage recommends that you handle these rude remarks with a succinct, "In that case, feel free not to attend." If anyone implies an expense which they seem to expect your mother to cover, remind them that you did not send them an invitation, because you cannot in good faith expect your mother to cover such expenses. The Sage is at a loss as to why anyone who has only shown you meanness and criticism would be in the least interested in flying across the country for your graduation. You probably could have announced early on that you were only given so many tickets for the event, but it is probably too late for that now.


  1. Great Sage, I suspect that the sexual orientation question is the product of an earlier time, when many men hid their homosexuality by marrying women. I would suspect most of us know, or know of, a situation where someone 'came out'-- or was caught in an airport bathroom-- late in life. Less visible marital problems are not discussed as openly, either (despite all the Viagra commercials we suffer).

    (And he appears to not be interested in sex with her at all, not just 'not as much as she is.')

  2. True, it appears his libido is non-existent, but he also may be interested but unable to perform. Many people, even in a day where ads about sexualilty are on during every program, still consider their own sexuality to personal to discuss with their doctors, and are too embarassed to admit their "failing" to their spouse. Most people would consider it a deal-breaker that he is not willing even to address the situation, but this is a decision the Seeker must make on her own.

    The Sage's objection was the antiquated notion that because a man is unable or even unwilling to perform with this woman, that he by definition must be yearning for a male. While some homosexuals have tried to hide their true nature by trying to pretend heterosexuality, the Sage believes that this was not as common in the past as many would have one think and is even more rare today.

  3. But, Great Sage, can we agree that the fiance is a huge douchebag?

  4. Provided that "sexy outfit" didn't mean a costume from Conan the Destroyer, yes.