Saturday, December 18, 2010


The Sage apologizes for the unavoidable delay in advising this week's Seekers. Technical difficulties made the Mystic Cave inaccessible. However, this advise has been waiting in the wings until access was restored.

1. First today (or rather, last Thursday) is a Seeker whose boyfriend refuses to propose marriage until the Seeker has taken a lie detector test to prove that information about her past has been completely true.

The Sage concurs that the past cannot be undone, nor should this gentleman feels as if he were somehow betrayed by your behavior prior to being involved with him. This is provided, naturally, that those occurences do not affect him. For instatnce, a child for whom your are responsible or a communicable disease which might impact him are very much his business.

The Sage is curious about two things, however. First, the Sage wonders why you are not capable of asking him to wed you, since it does need to be by mutual agreement, unlike in the days of yore. More importantly, the Sage wonders why you wish to be tied to someone who has proven his distrust of you in such egregious ways. Are you prepared for him to be uninvolved in any future pregnancies, until the child is born and a paternity test may be performed? What you should do depends, of course, on what you want for the future; however, the Sage sees no happiness ever after within this union. Even employers are generally prohibited from require these tests as a prerequisite for employment.

Be that as it may, since you seem intent upon this marriage, take the test, learn to grovel, and have yourself surgically sterilized.

2. The second Seeker's father has multiple medical problems resulting from poor health habits.

The Sage would remind you, your siblings, and your mother that no one can force an adult to do something they do not wish to do, unless serious threats - such as an Uzi pointed at them - is involved. Rather than giving your father the usual Christmas (or other holiday) gifts this year, collectively purchase him and extra large coffin a tthe local funeral home, to be made available immediately upon his demise. When he objects, notify him that none of you wished to waste funds on a gift he would be using for less than a year.

3. Today's third Seeker is required by her employer to contribute to charities of the employer's choice and to increase this deduction each year, even though the cost of the company medical insurance is also going up.

The Sage recommends that you inform your employer that from this date forth, all of your charitable contributions will be of your own choosing. You should add gently that it is illegal to require or even to intimate that is is necessary to contribute to any charity in order to preserve one's position. Should this invoke the employer's ire, remind him as well of the carious "whistle-blower" laws which forbid termination of employement based on reporting of illegal activitiies. The Sage is not a lawyer and cautions you that each of these laws may depend upon the size of the company, so be certain to consult an attorney before this confrontation.

Barring that, perhaps you can find a "coyote" who will smuggle you south of the Rio Grande, where at least the cost of living is far less.

4. Today's final Seeker has recently graduated from colleged and secured a position in another city. The Seeker's parents immediately moved into a smaller room with no guestroom and seem to have limited the Seeker's visit to their new home.

The Sage understands your uncomfortable feelings of being cast out of your childhood family. However, the Sage also recognizes your parents' feelings of new-found freedom and unwillingness to continue to treat you as their child who is merely away at college. Apparently, your parents are still revelling in the ability to go to the kitchen for a late night snack without having to don a robe first, and have been waiting for two decades to be able to have sex in the living room without worrying about your walking in. Moving into a smaller home was a gentle way of telling you that you no longer live with them. As you are now self-supporting, consider securing a room elsewhere for these visits to your parents' home. Remember that, while you will always have a place in their hearts, their house is no longer your home, and you should not feel entitled to the same privileges there as when you were still their dependent.


  1. Oh Great Oracle, I'm in the process of reading a book you or your minions surely would like. It's CORDUROY MANSIONS by Alexander McCall Smith.

    One the heroes of the story is trying to get his adult son to move out to no avail. His son hates dogs, so he gets a dog but then his son likes the dog and wants to bring him along to the pub. He tells the son outright that he wants him out, but the son reacts by hugging him and says that he understands his dad is going through a midlife crisis and wont abandon him. Now it looks like his upstairs neighbor who has a crush on him is going to move in to help get rid of the son --don't know yet if it's going to work or if the poor man will end up being stuck with the son, the dog and the woman who's after him.... (I'm only half way through and other characters also have their foibles but I suspect it will all come together around this dog 'cause he's on the book cover?)

  2. The Oracle will definitely need to consider this. Perchance it is available on Kindle, as it is quite difficult to install bookshelves on the walls of a Mystic Cave.