The Sage has emerged from the mystic cave this morning, eager to engage a new crop of Seekers, who may be found here http://www.slate.com/id/2286140/.
1. The first Seeker rents a room from a single woman slightly older than himself. One morning she appeared in his room while he was unclothed, and her conversations since have become more frequent and more personal.
The Sage believes you should pounce upon this opportunity at once. While the Sage certainly would not recommend that you violate the sanctity of your marital vows, you might make the landlady believe that you intend to. Make your discussions much more direct and salacious, and when she suggests something more, ask about a reduction of the rent. Once this is accomplished, install small deadbolts to each entrance of your quarters and avoid her at all costs.
2, The second Seeker has a daughter who is the product of an extramarital affair. The Seeker's wife adopted the child, and all seems well. However, nosy individuals want to know more details as to the child's origins.
Simply put, the Sage urges you to tell them that this information is personal and therefore is none of their business.
3. Next we have a Seeker who wishes to have drawn permanently upon his body a memorial to his late grandparents. His mother gets quite dramatic about her objection to tatooes.
The Sage wonders whether this is information you really must share with your mother. If she objects so, the tatoo might be placed somewhere that she would never need to see it. The Sage would be remiss not to add that while memorials are nice, one's body might not be the best place for them. Everyone has had parents; therefore, everyone has had grandparents, and there will undoubtedly be others in your life whom you will lose to death. Consider a memorial that would be more in keeping with their daughter's feelings, but you are free to do whatever you eventually decide.
4. Finally, we have a Seeker whose office mate microwaves oatmeal with tuna every morning. The Seeker suggests a variety of resolutions, including getting an air freshener for the Seeker's cubicle.
The Sage agrees that treating the air in your own cubicle is the most viable solution, especially if you can find one which continues to treat the air all day. Consider also adding a fan, in order to blow the odors back toward your office mate.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Sage-rise musings
Good morning, Seekers and Acolytes. The Sage has arisen early today so that the entrance to the Mystic Cave might be clear this week. The Seekers for this week may be found here http://www.slate.com/id/2280118/pagenum/2.
The First Seeker's sister is dating a registered sex offender, convicted of having molested a younger sister. The sister claims he was innocent and falls back on the accusation of the Seeker's family being "non-Christian" in choosing not to forgive him and permit him around the various minor nephews and nieces.
The Seeker tends to lean heavily to the side of protection of our young. Forgiveness can be a wonderful thing; however, the old expression of "Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me" comes into play here. Every criminal feigns innocence. Some are genuine in their denial of guilt. However, short of convening a trial with your fammily members as judge and jury, the only way to ascertain the validity of this man's claim of innocence is to discover his on-going abuse of a new batch of children. If you and yours wish to use your own children as subjects of this experiment, then you do not deserve the title of "parents."
The Seeker via video letter enjoys attending musical; however, the Seeker's close friend who usually attends with the Seeker sings or hums to every song she knows during the performance.
The Sage recommends that you explain to your friend that while she has a beautiful voice (or not!), you have paid to hear these professionals do the singing for now. Add that she may sing to her heart's content following the performance. Or, simply turn to her and ask, "Who's sings this?" When she answers the character on stage, say, "Let him."
The next Seeker sent inexpensive gifts to in-laws, warning them in advance that they would be less magnificent than usual. The mother-in-law send back her gift, claiming it was cheap and inappropriate, and demanded the return of her own gift to the Seeker.
The Sage is confused. You stated that this purse was a "gift", not account receivable on account of items paid. More importantly, how is it that "you" are giving these gifts, and not your spouse, the mother-in-law's child? Inform him (or her) of what has transpired and allow him to deal with the matter. The Sage strongly discourages you from returning her gift, explaining that once she gave it away, she lost control of its disposition. If this incident means that you no longer with this woman, consider it a win.
The next Seeker to approach the Mystic Cave has diagnosed a former coworker's difficulties in remaining employed as evidence that he has Asperger's Syndrome, and wishes to send him to a medical professional for help.
The Sage thinks your plan of explaining to this man that he is somehow deficient and needs medical intervention is magnificent. Certainly, simply advising him that he needs to find a position with limited contact with the public would not sufficiently establish your fine credentials as an unlicensed diagnostician. The Sage commends your ingenuity.
(Note to lesser Advisor: Asperger's is NOT a "mental condition", but a neurological developmental disorder. Thanks for the disinformation.)
Today's final Seeker plays high stakes poker with several friends, one of whom has been seen cheating on several occasions.
Thank you for this simple question. The Sage knows that the best thing to do is to wait until the cheater makes his move, point out the act, and order him to go, leaving any and all winnings on the table. Permit him to return, continuing to be vigilant as to his subterfuge. After he has been caught enough times with large enough stakes remaining, you should each have won back any of his ill-gotten gains. However, it would be more entertaining to hire a pair of actors dressed as policement to break into the game, preferably on cue from just outside the door upon your text command.
The First Seeker's sister is dating a registered sex offender, convicted of having molested a younger sister. The sister claims he was innocent and falls back on the accusation of the Seeker's family being "non-Christian" in choosing not to forgive him and permit him around the various minor nephews and nieces.
The Seeker tends to lean heavily to the side of protection of our young. Forgiveness can be a wonderful thing; however, the old expression of "Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me" comes into play here. Every criminal feigns innocence. Some are genuine in their denial of guilt. However, short of convening a trial with your fammily members as judge and jury, the only way to ascertain the validity of this man's claim of innocence is to discover his on-going abuse of a new batch of children. If you and yours wish to use your own children as subjects of this experiment, then you do not deserve the title of "parents."
The Seeker via video letter enjoys attending musical; however, the Seeker's close friend who usually attends with the Seeker sings or hums to every song she knows during the performance.
The Sage recommends that you explain to your friend that while she has a beautiful voice (or not!), you have paid to hear these professionals do the singing for now. Add that she may sing to her heart's content following the performance. Or, simply turn to her and ask, "Who's sings this?" When she answers the character on stage, say, "Let him."
The next Seeker sent inexpensive gifts to in-laws, warning them in advance that they would be less magnificent than usual. The mother-in-law send back her gift, claiming it was cheap and inappropriate, and demanded the return of her own gift to the Seeker.
The Sage is confused. You stated that this purse was a "gift", not account receivable on account of items paid. More importantly, how is it that "you" are giving these gifts, and not your spouse, the mother-in-law's child? Inform him (or her) of what has transpired and allow him to deal with the matter. The Sage strongly discourages you from returning her gift, explaining that once she gave it away, she lost control of its disposition. If this incident means that you no longer with this woman, consider it a win.
The next Seeker to approach the Mystic Cave has diagnosed a former coworker's difficulties in remaining employed as evidence that he has Asperger's Syndrome, and wishes to send him to a medical professional for help.
The Sage thinks your plan of explaining to this man that he is somehow deficient and needs medical intervention is magnificent. Certainly, simply advising him that he needs to find a position with limited contact with the public would not sufficiently establish your fine credentials as an unlicensed diagnostician. The Sage commends your ingenuity.
(Note to lesser Advisor: Asperger's is NOT a "mental condition", but a neurological developmental disorder. Thanks for the disinformation.)
Today's final Seeker plays high stakes poker with several friends, one of whom has been seen cheating on several occasions.
Thank you for this simple question. The Sage knows that the best thing to do is to wait until the cheater makes his move, point out the act, and order him to go, leaving any and all winnings on the table. Permit him to return, continuing to be vigilant as to his subterfuge. After he has been caught enough times with large enough stakes remaining, you should each have won back any of his ill-gotten gains. However, it would be more entertaining to hire a pair of actors dressed as policement to break into the game, preferably on cue from just outside the door upon your text command.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Satur-Sage
The Sage apologizes for the unavoidable delay in advising this week's Seekers. Technical difficulties made the Mystic Cave inaccessible. However, this advise has been waiting in the wings until access was restored.
1. First today (or rather, last Thursday) is a Seeker whose boyfriend refuses to propose marriage until the Seeker has taken a lie detector test to prove that information about her past has been completely true.
The Sage concurs that the past cannot be undone, nor should this gentleman feels as if he were somehow betrayed by your behavior prior to being involved with him. This is provided, naturally, that those occurences do not affect him. For instatnce, a child for whom your are responsible or a communicable disease which might impact him are very much his business.
The Sage is curious about two things, however. First, the Sage wonders why you are not capable of asking him to wed you, since it does need to be by mutual agreement, unlike in the days of yore. More importantly, the Sage wonders why you wish to be tied to someone who has proven his distrust of you in such egregious ways. Are you prepared for him to be uninvolved in any future pregnancies, until the child is born and a paternity test may be performed? What you should do depends, of course, on what you want for the future; however, the Sage sees no happiness ever after within this union. Even employers are generally prohibited from require these tests as a prerequisite for employment.
Be that as it may, since you seem intent upon this marriage, take the test, learn to grovel, and have yourself surgically sterilized.
2. The second Seeker's father has multiple medical problems resulting from poor health habits.
The Sage would remind you, your siblings, and your mother that no one can force an adult to do something they do not wish to do, unless serious threats - such as an Uzi pointed at them - is involved. Rather than giving your father the usual Christmas (or other holiday) gifts this year, collectively purchase him and extra large coffin a tthe local funeral home, to be made available immediately upon his demise. When he objects, notify him that none of you wished to waste funds on a gift he would be using for less than a year.
3. Today's third Seeker is required by her employer to contribute to charities of the employer's choice and to increase this deduction each year, even though the cost of the company medical insurance is also going up.
The Sage recommends that you inform your employer that from this date forth, all of your charitable contributions will be of your own choosing. You should add gently that it is illegal to require or even to intimate that is is necessary to contribute to any charity in order to preserve one's position. Should this invoke the employer's ire, remind him as well of the carious "whistle-blower" laws which forbid termination of employement based on reporting of illegal activitiies. The Sage is not a lawyer and cautions you that each of these laws may depend upon the size of the company, so be certain to consult an attorney before this confrontation.
Barring that, perhaps you can find a "coyote" who will smuggle you south of the Rio Grande, where at least the cost of living is far less.
4. Today's final Seeker has recently graduated from colleged and secured a position in another city. The Seeker's parents immediately moved into a smaller room with no guestroom and seem to have limited the Seeker's visit to their new home.
The Sage understands your uncomfortable feelings of being cast out of your childhood family. However, the Sage also recognizes your parents' feelings of new-found freedom and unwillingness to continue to treat you as their child who is merely away at college. Apparently, your parents are still revelling in the ability to go to the kitchen for a late night snack without having to don a robe first, and have been waiting for two decades to be able to have sex in the living room without worrying about your walking in. Moving into a smaller home was a gentle way of telling you that you no longer live with them. As you are now self-supporting, consider securing a room elsewhere for these visits to your parents' home. Remember that, while you will always have a place in their hearts, their house is no longer your home, and you should not feel entitled to the same privileges there as when you were still their dependent.
1. First today (or rather, last Thursday) is a Seeker whose boyfriend refuses to propose marriage until the Seeker has taken a lie detector test to prove that information about her past has been completely true.
The Sage concurs that the past cannot be undone, nor should this gentleman feels as if he were somehow betrayed by your behavior prior to being involved with him. This is provided, naturally, that those occurences do not affect him. For instatnce, a child for whom your are responsible or a communicable disease which might impact him are very much his business.
The Sage is curious about two things, however. First, the Sage wonders why you are not capable of asking him to wed you, since it does need to be by mutual agreement, unlike in the days of yore. More importantly, the Sage wonders why you wish to be tied to someone who has proven his distrust of you in such egregious ways. Are you prepared for him to be uninvolved in any future pregnancies, until the child is born and a paternity test may be performed? What you should do depends, of course, on what you want for the future; however, the Sage sees no happiness ever after within this union. Even employers are generally prohibited from require these tests as a prerequisite for employment.
Be that as it may, since you seem intent upon this marriage, take the test, learn to grovel, and have yourself surgically sterilized.
2. The second Seeker's father has multiple medical problems resulting from poor health habits.
The Sage would remind you, your siblings, and your mother that no one can force an adult to do something they do not wish to do, unless serious threats - such as an Uzi pointed at them - is involved. Rather than giving your father the usual Christmas (or other holiday) gifts this year, collectively purchase him and extra large coffin a tthe local funeral home, to be made available immediately upon his demise. When he objects, notify him that none of you wished to waste funds on a gift he would be using for less than a year.
3. Today's third Seeker is required by her employer to contribute to charities of the employer's choice and to increase this deduction each year, even though the cost of the company medical insurance is also going up.
The Sage recommends that you inform your employer that from this date forth, all of your charitable contributions will be of your own choosing. You should add gently that it is illegal to require or even to intimate that is is necessary to contribute to any charity in order to preserve one's position. Should this invoke the employer's ire, remind him as well of the carious "whistle-blower" laws which forbid termination of employement based on reporting of illegal activitiies. The Sage is not a lawyer and cautions you that each of these laws may depend upon the size of the company, so be certain to consult an attorney before this confrontation.
Barring that, perhaps you can find a "coyote" who will smuggle you south of the Rio Grande, where at least the cost of living is far less.
4. Today's final Seeker has recently graduated from colleged and secured a position in another city. The Seeker's parents immediately moved into a smaller room with no guestroom and seem to have limited the Seeker's visit to their new home.
The Sage understands your uncomfortable feelings of being cast out of your childhood family. However, the Sage also recognizes your parents' feelings of new-found freedom and unwillingness to continue to treat you as their child who is merely away at college. Apparently, your parents are still revelling in the ability to go to the kitchen for a late night snack without having to don a robe first, and have been waiting for two decades to be able to have sex in the living room without worrying about your walking in. Moving into a smaller home was a gentle way of telling you that you no longer live with them. As you are now self-supporting, consider securing a room elsewhere for these visits to your parents' home. Remember that, while you will always have a place in their hearts, their house is no longer your home, and you should not feel entitled to the same privileges there as when you were still their dependent.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Enraged Sage
The Sage will dispense with the usual caustic directives for this week, as the individuals involved are sufficiently caustic on their own.
1. The first Seeker in line today is a child in a private school, whose favorite teacher is molesting one of the Seeker's close friends.
You have said, "I feel he's abused his position of power over Bee." This is correct, and the Sage strongly believes that Bee is neither the first nor the last girl with whom this will happen. Had you seemed a bit more vulnerable, he may even have tried his wily ways with you. The Sage urges you to report him at once. Bee will be angry, but it is the right thing, both for her and for any future potential victims. (No, you need not admit that you were the "snitch.")
2. The second Seeker has been receiving Chirstmas wish lists from every family member, on orders of the mother-in-law, who believes gift cards are inappropriate, even for those mourning the loss of their firstborn.
The Sage would like to remind Seekers everywhere that gifts are a privilege to receive, not a requirement to give. Ignore or delete the lists and this woman's orders and proceed as you had originally planned. She will know of your plans when the gifts are opened.
3. The third Seeker has had the custom for many years of inviting her daughter's best friend and family to Christmas festivities, as the other family has no in-state family of their own, and wishes to end this custom due to the growth of her own family.
The Sage agrees that you have no moral obligation to invite anyone with whom you do not wish to share your holiday. However, at a minimum, you must discuss it with the now uninvited guests, rather than simply not issuing an invitation. If possibe, offer to have them visit for a short time before or after the meal, so that everyone will get time with those without whom the holiday may not feel complete. The Sage also wonders if you have ever heard of a device known as a "card table".
4. Today's final Seeker has 4 great-nephews and great-nieces, three of whom are infants. The Seeker wishes to continue to contribute to the college fud of the oldest - whose mother has always been gracious about gifts received, and givegive nothing to the younger children, whose parents have been less gracious.
The Sage understands that you may have been distracted during the conversation with today's second Seeker, and will therefore reiterate what is pertinent to your situation. Gifts are a privilege of the recipient, not an obligation of the giver. Give what you want to whom you want. If your sister or the other children's parents complain, explain that you have personal reasons to be more generous to the one child. You need not explain that the personal reasons include the other parents' rudeness. Ignore lesser Seekers who would tell you how to spend your own money. If the other parents cared about you for other than your financial resources, they'd have been closer to you in teh past.
1. The first Seeker in line today is a child in a private school, whose favorite teacher is molesting one of the Seeker's close friends.
You have said, "I feel he's abused his position of power over Bee." This is correct, and the Sage strongly believes that Bee is neither the first nor the last girl with whom this will happen. Had you seemed a bit more vulnerable, he may even have tried his wily ways with you. The Sage urges you to report him at once. Bee will be angry, but it is the right thing, both for her and for any future potential victims. (No, you need not admit that you were the "snitch.")
2. The second Seeker has been receiving Chirstmas wish lists from every family member, on orders of the mother-in-law, who believes gift cards are inappropriate, even for those mourning the loss of their firstborn.
The Sage would like to remind Seekers everywhere that gifts are a privilege to receive, not a requirement to give. Ignore or delete the lists and this woman's orders and proceed as you had originally planned. She will know of your plans when the gifts are opened.
3. The third Seeker has had the custom for many years of inviting her daughter's best friend and family to Christmas festivities, as the other family has no in-state family of their own, and wishes to end this custom due to the growth of her own family.
The Sage agrees that you have no moral obligation to invite anyone with whom you do not wish to share your holiday. However, at a minimum, you must discuss it with the now uninvited guests, rather than simply not issuing an invitation. If possibe, offer to have them visit for a short time before or after the meal, so that everyone will get time with those without whom the holiday may not feel complete. The Sage also wonders if you have ever heard of a device known as a "card table".
4. Today's final Seeker has 4 great-nephews and great-nieces, three of whom are infants. The Seeker wishes to continue to contribute to the college fud of the oldest - whose mother has always been gracious about gifts received, and givegive nothing to the younger children, whose parents have been less gracious.
The Sage understands that you may have been distracted during the conversation with today's second Seeker, and will therefore reiterate what is pertinent to your situation. Gifts are a privilege of the recipient, not an obligation of the giver. Give what you want to whom you want. If your sister or the other children's parents complain, explain that you have personal reasons to be more generous to the one child. You need not explain that the personal reasons include the other parents' rudeness. Ignore lesser Seekers who would tell you how to spend your own money. If the other parents cared about you for other than your financial resources, they'd have been closer to you in teh past.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Sage-remental advice
Today's Seekers are all a-dither regarding celebration - or not - of Christmas, wiht one Seeker unsure of how to act parental. The Seekers may be found here. http://www.slate.com/id/2276212/
1. The first Seeker wishes to know whether her sexually unfulfilled husband should visit a dominatrix.
The Sage is aware that the Lesser Advisor miscontrued your actual question. Rather than asking whether he should make these visits, you are asking whether he should be permitted to do so. If you are already able to control your husband's actions even when he is not with you to conform to your desires, then he is already married to one. You might ask yourself whether either conforming to his desires or dissolving the marriage would be less expensive than his regular visits to a professional.
2. The second Seeker has been lying to avoid telling her daughter's grandmother that the grandmother's multiple accidents make her ineligible to drive with said child in the vehicle.
The Sage will make the rare recommendation that you provide the whole truth. Inform the dear lady that you trust her with your child - until an automobile is involved, on grounds of her driving record. Suggest that she have her eyes and ears test. If nothing is discovered which can be easily remedied to improve her driving abilities, set your foot down as a parent and tell her absolutely no to transporting your child. Better yet, have her son explain it to her. Perhaps he will understand that the welfare of his child is more important than confrontation avoidance. In any case, perhaps it is time for the licensing agency to reconsider her driving privilege, if this has not happened already.
3. The next Seeker is a non-Christian who has unsuccessfully complained about the company's religiously based Christmas festivities.
The Sage suggests that you fight fire with fire. Rather than having a discreet display of your own faith or practices, go all out this year. For instance, Hannukah has already begun, but you might stil bring an enormous Mennorah to work, place it just outside your cubible or unavoidably nisible to those passing your office, with candles sufficiently large to burn the entire time that you are at work each day. Play music of the holiday or festival which you do celebrate loudly enough for everyone in the office to hear, but not quite loudly enough for anyone to make out any of the words, unless the songs are not in English. When management comes to ask you to tone down your celebration at work, innocently proclaim that you believed this was encouraged, based upon the activities already being endorsed by the company.
Ignore Lesser Advisors who feel that religiously-based activities, as opposed to secular ones, are perfectly acceptable in the workplace, just because they eventually end.
4. The final Seeker for today worries about offending in-laws who wish to celebrate Christmas by treating the Seeker and spouse to a trip which they do not relish.
The Sage see no dilemma here. Tell them simply that you appreciate the more than generous offer, but are unable to make the trip with them.
Lesser Advisors need to recognize that destination weddings require the guests to pay their own travel expenses, and therefore are not comparable to this issue.
1. The first Seeker wishes to know whether her sexually unfulfilled husband should visit a dominatrix.
The Sage is aware that the Lesser Advisor miscontrued your actual question. Rather than asking whether he should make these visits, you are asking whether he should be permitted to do so. If you are already able to control your husband's actions even when he is not with you to conform to your desires, then he is already married to one. You might ask yourself whether either conforming to his desires or dissolving the marriage would be less expensive than his regular visits to a professional.
2. The second Seeker has been lying to avoid telling her daughter's grandmother that the grandmother's multiple accidents make her ineligible to drive with said child in the vehicle.
The Sage will make the rare recommendation that you provide the whole truth. Inform the dear lady that you trust her with your child - until an automobile is involved, on grounds of her driving record. Suggest that she have her eyes and ears test. If nothing is discovered which can be easily remedied to improve her driving abilities, set your foot down as a parent and tell her absolutely no to transporting your child. Better yet, have her son explain it to her. Perhaps he will understand that the welfare of his child is more important than confrontation avoidance. In any case, perhaps it is time for the licensing agency to reconsider her driving privilege, if this has not happened already.
3. The next Seeker is a non-Christian who has unsuccessfully complained about the company's religiously based Christmas festivities.
The Sage suggests that you fight fire with fire. Rather than having a discreet display of your own faith or practices, go all out this year. For instance, Hannukah has already begun, but you might stil bring an enormous Mennorah to work, place it just outside your cubible or unavoidably nisible to those passing your office, with candles sufficiently large to burn the entire time that you are at work each day. Play music of the holiday or festival which you do celebrate loudly enough for everyone in the office to hear, but not quite loudly enough for anyone to make out any of the words, unless the songs are not in English. When management comes to ask you to tone down your celebration at work, innocently proclaim that you believed this was encouraged, based upon the activities already being endorsed by the company.
Ignore Lesser Advisors who feel that religiously-based activities, as opposed to secular ones, are perfectly acceptable in the workplace, just because they eventually end.
4. The final Seeker for today worries about offending in-laws who wish to celebrate Christmas by treating the Seeker and spouse to a trip which they do not relish.
The Sage see no dilemma here. Tell them simply that you appreciate the more than generous offer, but are unable to make the trip with them.
Lesser Advisors need to recognize that destination weddings require the guests to pay their own travel expenses, and therefore are not comparable to this issue.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Wednesday's child is full of Sage
This week's Seekers, in deference to the upcoming holiday, have presented themselves on a Wednesday, instead of the typically assigned Thursday, and may be found here: http://www.slate.com/id/2275908/
1. First is a Seeker whose mother smothered the Seeker with well-intentioned kindnesses, and is doing the same for a younger brother, effectively crippling their ability to function as independent adults.
The Sage is aghast that you would speak so ill of your mother. If you are indeed certain that your brother is under a bad influence, enter your parents' home this long weekend, guns a-blazing, and abscond with the young man. Lock him in a dark room for 3 weeks, offering him nourishment or comfort only when he comforms to your wishes. ("He rubs the lotion ...") At the end of this training period, insist he seek remunerative employment by night while continuing his studies by day. Ensure that you have carefully screened whatever courses he wishes to study or whatever employment he wishes to seek. In this way, you may extend his dependence, while simultaneously liberating him from being coddled. Meanwhile, your parents should both applaud your efforts to spur your brother's entrance into the adult world, provided you are not required to shoot them during the abduction.
2. Next is a Seeker who will b e required to shave a beard he has worn for two years if he wishes to participate in his sister's wedding.
The Sage agrees that the hair on your face, as a part of your body, is your choice. Encourage your sister and her betrothed to consider donning beards themselves for the occasion, just to make it all uniform.
3. Our third Seeker became emotionally distraught after being summarily informed that another had been hired for the position for which the Seeker had been training.
The Sage wishes to sympathize with your despondency at your employer's recantation of the promise that you would be given this position, even after having begun to train you for the situation. Given the timing and the startling nature of the announcement, the Sage doubts greatly that anyone would fault you for being human and displaying an emotional reaction at such disappointment. Carry on your duties as if this incident had never happened. However, also update your resume and seek other opportunities, as some employers are extremely reluctant to move an effective employee to other tasks. Also speak quietly to whomever was responsible for this decision, to let them know of your dissatisfaction and your hopes that you will not be sidestepped on any future opportunies within your current organization.
4. Today's final Seeker is married to a medical intern who makes jokes about his patient's private equipment, having pointed out one patient he recognized in public to a friend.
The Sage agrees that your husband is being unethical to discuss patients' personal information with those who are not on a "need to know" basis. Before you sabotage your husband's future, however, remind him of his legal responsibility to protect his patients' privacy and suggest that anyone overhearing his remarks would be in a position to report him to someone able to end his career. If he continues with similar misdeeds, he need not know that you were the source of the complaint.
1. First is a Seeker whose mother smothered the Seeker with well-intentioned kindnesses, and is doing the same for a younger brother, effectively crippling their ability to function as independent adults.
The Sage is aghast that you would speak so ill of your mother. If you are indeed certain that your brother is under a bad influence, enter your parents' home this long weekend, guns a-blazing, and abscond with the young man. Lock him in a dark room for 3 weeks, offering him nourishment or comfort only when he comforms to your wishes. ("He rubs the lotion ...") At the end of this training period, insist he seek remunerative employment by night while continuing his studies by day. Ensure that you have carefully screened whatever courses he wishes to study or whatever employment he wishes to seek. In this way, you may extend his dependence, while simultaneously liberating him from being coddled. Meanwhile, your parents should both applaud your efforts to spur your brother's entrance into the adult world, provided you are not required to shoot them during the abduction.
2. Next is a Seeker who will b e required to shave a beard he has worn for two years if he wishes to participate in his sister's wedding.
The Sage agrees that the hair on your face, as a part of your body, is your choice. Encourage your sister and her betrothed to consider donning beards themselves for the occasion, just to make it all uniform.
3. Our third Seeker became emotionally distraught after being summarily informed that another had been hired for the position for which the Seeker had been training.
The Sage wishes to sympathize with your despondency at your employer's recantation of the promise that you would be given this position, even after having begun to train you for the situation. Given the timing and the startling nature of the announcement, the Sage doubts greatly that anyone would fault you for being human and displaying an emotional reaction at such disappointment. Carry on your duties as if this incident had never happened. However, also update your resume and seek other opportunities, as some employers are extremely reluctant to move an effective employee to other tasks. Also speak quietly to whomever was responsible for this decision, to let them know of your dissatisfaction and your hopes that you will not be sidestepped on any future opportunies within your current organization.
4. Today's final Seeker is married to a medical intern who makes jokes about his patient's private equipment, having pointed out one patient he recognized in public to a friend.
The Sage agrees that your husband is being unethical to discuss patients' personal information with those who are not on a "need to know" basis. Before you sabotage your husband's future, however, remind him of his legal responsibility to protect his patients' privacy and suggest that anyone overhearing his remarks would be in a position to report him to someone able to end his career. If he continues with similar misdeeds, he need not know that you were the source of the complaint.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Sage dressing down
Like ER workers and police officers, the Sage is need most during holidays, when people's adult manners collide with the childhood roles expected from family, and when the traditions of friends clash with the traditions of family. The holiday Seekers may be found here. http://www.slate.com/id/2275273/pagenum/all/#p2
The first Seeker had planned to attend the extended family Thanksgiving with her beau, his daughter, and his granddaughter. The Seeker's sister insists that the Seeker and her beau only must attend, or the entire dinner will be cancelled.
The Seeker recognizes coercion wherever it rears its ugly head. Of course your beau must be with his daughter and granddaughter at Thanksgiving, as he may be the only family they have. If your sister and other relations are so inflexible as to be unable to set two more plates at the table, then you have no obligation to accommodate your sister's demands. Tell your sister you will let her know what you decide after you have decided, and wait till late Thursday morning to inform her that you will be unable to attend. One person missing from the meal should not create a crisis of such monumental proportions. Is your sister fully in charge of her faculties?
(Note to Lesser Advisor: Once someone is as old as this Seeker appears to be, a few months may consistute a long courtship.)
The next Seeker has a widowed mother with a boyfriend who comes to family celebrations. The family has "politely" stopped discussing anything about the late father, which upsets the Seeker.
The Sage is confused. Did your mother insist that your father should not be discussed in front of her gentleman friend? Did he demand that such discussions cease? Does he believe that your and your sibling were the result of immaculate conception? The Sage hates to disappoint you, but this man surely knows that his girlfriend once had another man in her life and that she shared many happy memories with him. In fact, he probably wonders if your father was frequently absent or even abusive, that none of those memories seem to resurfacce during his visits with you.
The third Seeker has been living with a man for a year, hoping for marriage. Her parents were not invited to his family Thanksgiving. The Seeker asked if they would have been invited, were she and he married.
The Sage will point out that you have asked the wrong question. You are so focused on marriage that you have failed to consider etiquette. A better question would have been whether your parents might be invited this year. This may or may not have been followed with the questionas to whether marriage is in the offing for the coming year. If the answer is not an unqualified yes, perhaps your holiday would be better spent dining with your parents and moving your belongings from his home.
The final Seeker for this holiday has many family assembling at her home, half of whom are smokers. One smoker, being of advanced age, has been granted special permission to smoke inside the Seeker's home, making the others insist that they, too, must be permitted to do so.
The Sage sees no dilemma here. This is your home, in which you make the ground rules. Whether you permit your grandmother to smoke in your home is entirely up to you and completely unrelated to whether your other relatives are permitted to do so. Inform your other relatives that when they become nonagenarians, they, too may be granted special dispensation. This is provided, of course, that your are still able to be around smoke when you have aged that much, yourself.
The Sage regrets the recent gap in weekly allocations of sage wisdom. However, between technical difficulties and the low quality of Seekers' dilemmas, this was of necessity.
The first Seeker had planned to attend the extended family Thanksgiving with her beau, his daughter, and his granddaughter. The Seeker's sister insists that the Seeker and her beau only must attend, or the entire dinner will be cancelled.
The Seeker recognizes coercion wherever it rears its ugly head. Of course your beau must be with his daughter and granddaughter at Thanksgiving, as he may be the only family they have. If your sister and other relations are so inflexible as to be unable to set two more plates at the table, then you have no obligation to accommodate your sister's demands. Tell your sister you will let her know what you decide after you have decided, and wait till late Thursday morning to inform her that you will be unable to attend. One person missing from the meal should not create a crisis of such monumental proportions. Is your sister fully in charge of her faculties?
(Note to Lesser Advisor: Once someone is as old as this Seeker appears to be, a few months may consistute a long courtship.)
The next Seeker has a widowed mother with a boyfriend who comes to family celebrations. The family has "politely" stopped discussing anything about the late father, which upsets the Seeker.
The Sage is confused. Did your mother insist that your father should not be discussed in front of her gentleman friend? Did he demand that such discussions cease? Does he believe that your and your sibling were the result of immaculate conception? The Sage hates to disappoint you, but this man surely knows that his girlfriend once had another man in her life and that she shared many happy memories with him. In fact, he probably wonders if your father was frequently absent or even abusive, that none of those memories seem to resurfacce during his visits with you.
The third Seeker has been living with a man for a year, hoping for marriage. Her parents were not invited to his family Thanksgiving. The Seeker asked if they would have been invited, were she and he married.
The Sage will point out that you have asked the wrong question. You are so focused on marriage that you have failed to consider etiquette. A better question would have been whether your parents might be invited this year. This may or may not have been followed with the questionas to whether marriage is in the offing for the coming year. If the answer is not an unqualified yes, perhaps your holiday would be better spent dining with your parents and moving your belongings from his home.
The final Seeker for this holiday has many family assembling at her home, half of whom are smokers. One smoker, being of advanced age, has been granted special permission to smoke inside the Seeker's home, making the others insist that they, too, must be permitted to do so.
The Sage sees no dilemma here. This is your home, in which you make the ground rules. Whether you permit your grandmother to smoke in your home is entirely up to you and completely unrelated to whether your other relatives are permitted to do so. Inform your other relatives that when they become nonagenarians, they, too may be granted special dispensation. This is provided, of course, that your are still able to be around smoke when you have aged that much, yourself.
The Sage regrets the recent gap in weekly allocations of sage wisdom. However, between technical difficulties and the low quality of Seekers' dilemmas, this was of necessity.
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