Thursday, June 10, 2010

Journalistic Sage

The Sage is understandably dismayed that so many Seekers and their acquaintances have failed to grasp the simple concept that anything in writing, particularly that which is not anonymous, may and probably will eventually be held against the writer. This is the case for at least two individuals known by today's Seekers, who may be found here.

1. The Sage wonders whether the Seeker was up to no good as a teenager. If not, what sort of teenager were you, anyway? If you are female, it is perfectly natural for your mother not have gotten along with you. This is why Romans married off their daughters at age 12, and why wolves, lions, etc. chase away their young shortly after weaning. If you are male, you may have suffered from an Oedipal complex, and should remember that in the wild, some parents eat their young. In either case, the Sage suggests that you dig up your mother's corpse, flail it until it is but dust, and crush her marker so that no one may know where her remains had been. Additionally, take your daughter to the county clerk's office and have her name legally changed, regardless of her age or protestations. Naturally, lesser advisors would perhaps recommend that you accept that she died during a time of great upheaval in your life, and that she may have misunderstood your actions, perhaps filtering them through memories other teens she had known when she was younger. While you do not mention how your mother died, she may have had some mental disturbance which distorted her view of her assuredly perfect progeny.

2. The Sage recognizes that this woman needs to learn how to deal with her feelings toward her husband's shortcoming. You must stress that she is overacting. Should such an action occur in the future, you need to decide upon one of two responses. You may ignore her actions for a time, followed by a concerned, "Are you all right? Are you choking?" to force her to say what she is thinking. Alternately, you may change your top into the most revealing article you have in your possession. The Sage grants you permission to purchase something more revealing than you likely have at present, just to make your point. Neither you nor this man's wife are responsible for his thoughts nor his actions. You alone can impress this upon her enfeebled soul.

3. The Sage insists that you have issued a Cease and Desist order at once, followed by legal proceedings against her on grounds of defamation of character. While blogging may be an entertaining way for many to share their personal diaries - along with many private thoughts and emotions, your former flame needs to consider what may happen with an even less private journal, such as those of the mother of today's first Seeker. Do not lister to the advice of Lesser Advisors, who would have you empower this woman's neuroses concerning you.

4. The Sage agrees that you must protect this woman at all costs. Grovel to her manager and to the manager's supervisors, insisting that she remain with the company, to continue to cost the enterprise money with little return. Offer to permit her to assume your own position, if necessary. After all, her needs should be foremost in your mind, not whether the company is getting a return on its investment or whether your own household must to without in order to support her. The Sage is positive that this inept employee must be the first widow with college-aged children ever to seek employment, and must therefore be justly rewarded for her failed attempt to be productive. Certainly her college-aged children could not be expected to contribute to securing their own education, when this woman is still so able to procure such sympathies in Seekers like yourself. In the unlikely event that your prostrating yourself on her behalf does not achieve the desired results, you absolutely must inform her in advance of her impending doom. Sacrificing your own position and future employability is a small price to pay to give her a few extra days of preparation to secure alternate means to sustain her offsprings' comfortable lives.


  1. The Sage is an expert in tough love --listen to Her you miserable mortals!