Thursday, June 3, 2010

A kinder and gentler Sage.

The Sage is now resettled in the Mystic Cave. The large carnivore which had taken up residence there has evacuated the premises, and all is well on the Astral Plane. Therefore, the Sage is offering kinder and gentler remarks than usual to this week's Seekers.

1. The Sage recommends that you let this go and learn to knock before entering Bill's office. The Sage is certain that most people, while alone in an otherwise empty office, engage in at least some activity which they would prefer others not see, even if the social faux pas is trimming one's toenails.

2. The Sage has ruled out having Jocko and the Wrench going over to consult with your ex. Therefore, your best course would be to sit your son down and tell him that if he has any questions about you or about your former marriage, that he should feel free to ask you at any time. You might add the caveat reminder that all people have the tendency to adjust the truth at times to make themselves look better, but only if you thin he will not take this as an admission that you intend to lie to him. If he continues to act sullen toward you, you must insist that he speak with you. You can tell him, without an admission of having looked into his personal writings, that you believe he is now old enough to hear what happened between his father and yourself. Include both positives and negatives about the relationship, and do not only cover what items about which the father has apparently altered the truth. At some point in his life, your son will most likely decide either to accept what you have told him or to put the entire matter in the past, where it belongs. His feelings that you and his father were forced to marry due to your pregnancy no doubt makes him feel as if he were unwanted, rather than the loved and cherished individual the Sage is certain that he is.

The Lesser Advisor, incidentally is mistaken. It is not inherently wrong for a loving parent to look at the writings of a minor child to determine whether they are still on the straight and narrow path. It would be wrong for a parent believing their child is having problems which they are not mature enough to handle not to use any resource at the parent's disposal to help the child. Directly attacking the father's credibility will only cause the child to defend the father and will further damage the parent's relationship with the child.

3. The Sage insists that you let these material items go. You have lost a book and a friend. They have lost a child and all of the future that they had envisioned for for this child. Buy a new book and enjoy the memories and mementoes of your friend which are currently in your possession.

4. The Sage suggests that your husband ask these well-meaning strangers why they ask as to his veteran status. If they callously mention his missing limb, he can inform them that the injury and his military service had nothing to with one another, or he can simply shake his head and walk away. If they say they merely wish to thank him for his service, he can answer, "You're welcome."

The Sage's Cardinal Minion served in the military and is disabled. He has been informed by many well-meaning people when he parks in a handicapped parking space that he can get a "disabled veteran" plate. However, like with your husband, this is incorrect; the disability for these plates must be service related, and the Cardinal Minion's disability is not.


  1. "The Sage has ruled out having Jocko and the Wrench going over to consult with your ex."

    Can we get a new ruling on this?

  2. The Sage only ruled it out in an effort to be kinder and gentler.

  3. I'm conflicted. I'd grown so used to The Sage's artfully dispensed less kind, less gentle advice that the kinder gentler stuff is quite confusing to the senses! :-) But, it was delivered with the same widsom and wit as always, and thus, regardless of its kindness or gentleness, is greatly appreciated. :-)

  4. Oh Great Sage, I'm with Marc on solliciting a new ruling and sending Jocko and the Wrench to do their thing...