Hello. As the Sage was unable to locate any great minds to edify the Seekers, and was unwilling to address them personally, the task today has fallen upon me. First, look here http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2011/10/should_they_tell_their_twins_they_came_from_donor_eggs_.html for today's Seekers.
1. The parents have the right to tell (or not tell) their children anything they want. However, your wife needs to be aware that the children are being shortchanged in knowing that her medical history is not their medical history. FOr instance, assuming one is a daughter and her mother and/or materal aunts develop breast cancer, she probably wouldn't benefit from DNA screening to see if she carries the gene. If she had the testing, she'd find out the truth soon enough and may well feel her world shake from knowing she'd been lied to her entire life.
(Note: I have relatives who were created with donor sperm. The father is now deceased, and the children think they are at high risk of dying from what killed him.)
(Prudie: If they go to such a support group, that itself may inform the kids of the truth.)
2. Tell them you dropped and broke it, and were too upset to tell them the truth. Hopefully, they won't buy a twin replacement.
3. You should have discussed this privately with your husband, and he should have told his family members that he didn't think he could do this. Instead, now you're the bad guy in the whole story, even though they are being unreasonable to make you so. This is a very private decision, and they have no right to try to coerce your husband to comply.
4. Yes. This used to be the norm among royalty and other upper class households. Whose business is it, anyway?
5. What's your question?
6. That's what I said.
7. Contact her and tell her your financial advisor (even if that is me) told you that you needed to have her sign a promissory note for that much money, specifying what she owes and how and when she will repay it. At a minimum, if she defaults, you can take it off your income tax with proof of the loan.
8. That's rather obvious. And yes, you CAN mention it too often. My non-adopted nephew was often made to feel he was NOT special, since they kept harping on how the adopted one WAS special.
9. What is this, second guess Prudie Day? Either add a comment after it posts, or submit an article to The Fly. The requesting couple are the ones limiting their parenting options by refusing to consider anything BUT the brother's sperm.
10. Yeah, whatever.
11. Tell her you will let her approve any pictures in which she is prominent when you are finished. This is also inconveniencing the others in any group photos, who have to wait for her to decide, then pose over and over, without knowing how they themselves look. She can request she be blotted out if the picture makes everyone else look good and her bad.
12. What she is doing is called "free lancing". Since it pays well, shut up.
13. Tell Mom she doesn't have to visit you and your cats.
14. Zzzzzz. I'm sorry; we're you trying to say something?
15. She won't listen. Don't waste your breathe ... er, uh, keystrokes.
(Note that Prudie is now calling her advice "Pronouncements"! Even SHE must love the Great Sage!)