The answer is "Moon".

While the Sage is on Sabbatical, the Minions offer answers to these Seekers. http://www.slate.com/id/2271555/pagenum/all/#p2 Since this day each week is dedicated to the Moon, this answer seemed only appropriate.

Doggie Mommy: Could be worse. You could have kids. Next time you retrieve the tennis balls, moon your man and see if he keeps complaining.

Friend at seminary: Why is this your problem again? Have him tell the hands-on priest that if he tries againthing again, your friend will send him "to the Moon!" Make sure he puts on his best Jackie Gleason voice.

Not a good friend: Tell your friend you have been away visiting relatives on the moon. Then ask yourself if she is in turn a good friend, or is the perpetually needy one in the raltionship.

Couch-potato toddler: Tell your husband you have bought the two of them tickets for the nearest Moonwalk inflatable, and that you expect them to get used.

Long-distance wedding guests: A gift is whatever you want to give someone. You don't have to explain anything after going to so much expense to make sure people they love can attend. Tell them to enjoy their honeymoon.

Corny mother-in-law: Does your husband agree with you during these heated discussions, or is he out howling at the full moon? Tell the grandparents that your doctor recommends any practices they disagree with. That usually helps.

[Not a question. Go see banker Theodore J. Mooney to pay your fine.]

[Also not a question, but apparently your friend has been too busy mooning over her new husband to think about her old friends.]

Jealous girlfriend: If they live close together and both are sober and healthy, it's not the best plan. Go by when they're having a little sleepover and see if she's looking at the moon out of his bedroom window.

Crotchless dress: Tell her you've ordered a tuxedo with open rear panels. If she can give the guests a beaver shot, you can give them a moon shot.

[Not a question. Not your child. You are sentenced to watch the next moonshot from underneath the rocket.]

Not fully sober grandparents: Is this national Leave the Kids With the Grandparents Week or something? If they can't watch the child without having a few Blue Moons http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink1402.html tell them they can't have your moon-faced cherub stay over.

[Three more which are not questions or double dippers. Just enough for an Apollo moon shot. Make sure the person above is watching.]

Non-cuddler: Get separate beds, before a moon-sized crater is formed in your relationship.

[Another non-question. These used to be once in a blue moon, but apparently Prudie is short on actual questions.]