http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/03/dear_prudie_son_is_a_slacker_how_do_we_motivate_him_.html
1. Today's first Seeker wishes to incinerate his son, or at least to light a fire under him. The Sage regrets to inform you that the time to begin to instill values in one's offspring is when said offspring is still a young child. By your own admission, the young man is well able to provide for himself. Your job is done.
2. The next Seeker believs that her interviewer made sexually inappropriate comments by asking her to explain how she is not "just a pretty girl" who used her natural assets to get where she is. The Sage assures you that this interviewer probably asked similar questions, such as "just a pretty face" or "just a muscular stud" with the other interviewees. Undoubtedly, the intent was to see how you react under pressure. By writing to the Other Advisor rather than handling this yourself, you have failed. If you are incapable of handling this type of question without fretting about discrimination, the Sage doubts that you would function well in your chosen profession. Consider becoming a tort attorney.
3. The Sage commends you on landing well after a terrible experience. Your in-laws are understandably curious about the child's origins, but you are under no obligation to give them a full accounting. Explain that the matter of her paternity is a painful subject for you that you prefer not to be questioned about. Better yet, have your marvelous husband explain this, and ask that he refuse to field additional questions on the topic. You should consider allowing him to adopt your daughter, if he has not already done so.
Note to the Other Advisor: Most jurisdictions have statutes of limitations on behaviors such as rape, which has probably expired where this crime happened. The facts are easy to locate online. She should consult a lawyer before involving the law at this late date.
4. The Sage, like the final Seeker, has an aversion to an excess of the color pink. Remind your wife that you both need to be comfortable in your new bedroom. If there is a room which is to be at least for a time her private space - for reading, crafting, gaming or whatever she likes to do in her spare time - offer to let her decorate that room any way she wishes. Suggest this room will be the female equivalent of a "man cave."
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ooh, ooh, ooh, on LW4--Marriage Counseling!
ReplyDeleteI'm right with him on being creeped out by the idea of living his married life in a four-year-old girl's bedroom, and W4's sulking is a terrible sign.
Good for them if they live in a house large enough to let her have her own space, a bathroom at least, to indulge the Cinderella-threw-up-on-Barbie impulse.
But successful marriage is about being able to have good conversations about issues of desires and needs. Decorating a house is a crash course in that stuff, and it's not surprising many couples crash.