The Sage and suspiciously fishy odors

Today's Seekers are located here: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/03/body_odor_my_man_hates_how_i_smell_.single.html#pagebreak_anchor_2

1. The Sage has noticed, over the course of millenia, that smell is an integral component in a relationship. Divorces have been presaged by one person's announcment of disliking the other's odor. Even scientists have noticed that partners nearly always prefer even the most unpleasant odor of their partners to that of others. The Sage needs to inform you that your long-running fiance probably is settling for you, rather than taking the effort to find someone he truly loves. Therefore, you must drench yourself every morning, noon and night with perfumed products to allow you, also, to settle for second best. After all, since he is the only one who has noticed this or at least pointed it out to you, his evaluation certainly is true.

2. The Sage wonders why you think this is such a concern. Perhaps your sister-in-law has found a way to enhance her income, by  receiving a "finder's fee" from her law-breaking friends and acquaintances who might avail themselves of this code. Since your true goal is to keep your nephew as the son you never had, call each home listed and report both what you have seen and where you saw it. This should result in the additional incarceration time you wish her to have.

3. The Sage does not grasp why you were not expecting health, curious teens to use their "nests" to set up house in your living room. A forward-thinking adult such as yourself, who eschew such old-fashioned concepts as requiring the young men and the young ladies to sleep in opposite sides of the house, surely must be a popular spot for mixed-gendered parties, particularly your famous sleep-overs. By all means, make the teacher or director of this group aware of your findings, so that you may be commended for your chaperoning skills and moved to the top of the sleep-over hosting list.

(Note to the Other Advisor: Even if the son admits to sexual activities, finding a condom left by one of his friends does not constitute evidence that he himself uses protection.)

4. The Sage reminds you that just as you do your children no favors by doing their homework for them, neither are you doing your dear friend any favors by essentially rewriting his essays for admission into graduate school. Once your realized that you knew he was incapable of writing what you believe to be an appropriate essay, you should have bowed out of reading them. However, should he someone now be admitted to one of this phethora of schools, you have now obligated yourself to doing his graduate coursework via the internet. Depending upon how well you perform for him, you may also need to do his work upon completion of his studies for his future employers, as well.