Thursday, April 8, 2010

Exasperated Sage

The Sage grows weary of these faint of heart Seekers, with issues that the Sage has such difficulty sinking teeth into. The Minions need to screen better lest the Sage take a Sabbatical and leave the Oracle in charge.

Today's Seekers may be found here.

1. The Sage wonders if your roommate had been living in a place even more inaccessible than the Mystic Cave before becoming pregnant. Is the father perhaps extremely tall and hairy, with exceptionally large feet? No? Then the Sge suspects that your roommate is well aware of the dangers to both her own health and that of her unborn children, not to mention the hazards presented to her roommates if this smoking is done inside your home. Sadly, the Sage doubts there is anything you might say to change the mother-to-be's question. If the opportunity arises, you might ask what she plans to do when the pregnancy has gone full term. This would not be an invasion of privacy, as this is potentially an additional roommate currently dwelling within her womb. During this conversation would be your best opportunity to suggest that it would be best for the unborn child to abstain from cigarettes and alcohol for a short time.

2. The Sage recommends that you casually chat with the mother. Tell her that you are sorry that Charlemagnia missed Marmaduchess' birthday party, but that the invitation somehow was lost. The Sage suspects that either Marmaduchess chose to lose the invitation, or that Charlemagnia didn't realize the import of the invitation when she received it. Marmaduchess' mother's response to the conversation should help you clarify what happened. If the fault was on Marmaduchess, be assured that her mother will take greater care to see that Charelmagnia gets her invitation next year.

Incidentally, the Sage is quite familiar with this Charlemagnia's condition through the lives of the Minions. Following the lesser Advisor's advice to point out your child's differences may help, but is more likely to cause the parents to avoid your child even more. Over-reacting is a good way to ensure your daughter gets even more unwelcome attention. While you need to be her advocate, you also need to back off and learn to allow her to live her own life as much as she is able to. Your job as her mother is to teach her to function as an adult without your constant intervention.

3. The Sge is so glad to see a Seeker of your caliber, enabling the Sage to offer the kind of advice which makes the Sage great. By all means, make advances toward this gentleman. Chat with him as often as possible. Bring him little gifts such as brownies or a frame picture of yourself. Ensure that you sit with him or dine at the same restaurant as he each day. Let him hear you comment regularly and loudly about the attractiveness of his glutimus maximus or on the fullness of his pouch. As an added bonus, stick to him like glue at the next office party at which your husband is present. In this manner, you may embarass yourself, trash your marriage, and be slapped with a sexual harassment suit as you lose your job, perhaps all in the same week.

4. The Sage is certain that your friend would want to hear the truth. While she may initially blame you for her pet's demise, even the incarcerated deserve to hear the truth. As to her tendency toward depression, she is more likely to have help dealing with her emotions while on the inside than after she is out.

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