Thursday, April 1, 2010

Bonsai Sage

The Sage is enduring, for a time, funtioning in an exceedingly tight space. The Mystic Cave is also home to several large predatory mammals, which are now coming out of hibernation, forcing the Sage and the Minions into a smaller chamber off of the main cavern. As such, the Sage finds it difficult to exercise the usual rapier wit, and must respond to these Seekers with a greater dose of kindness than usual.

1. The Sage appreciates your attempt at humor with this query. To reward your meager efforts, the Sage will grace you with an answer. Were this truly a physical problem with no emotional component, the Sage doubts the doctors would have advised you to come back later after you acquired a serious boyfriend. The Sage also suspects that you are dealing with a tremendous amount of guilt, which is preventing you from "doing the deed", more than any physical anomaly may be doing. If you find a man who truly cares for you, you may be able to get beyond your guilt or flashbacks or whatever is troubling you. If not, a loving partner would be patient and supportive while you undergo the medical treatment required to remedy your physical barrier.

2. The Sage has learned to say, "Glad to see you" when addressing the terminally ill. While your father may not be on death's door, he certainly is not in the physical condition he and you would surely like him to be. Apparently your father is communicative. Try discussing a happy earlier memory, but not your favorite memory. If he is unwilling to bring up those former times, you will be able to tell by his voice or his eyes, if not by his actually saying so. If this goes well, you can bring up even happier times. If not, you won't have marred such a fine memory by associating it with causing your father grief. Alternately, you could offer to read to him, perhaps from Sports Illustrated or a similar publication.

3. The Sage believes that one never knows unless one tries. The Sage's personal and vicarious experiences would indicate that people become much more attractive as a relationship progresses, and that some people actually have a preference for those others would consider less attractive. You would be well advised to progress slowly, lest you make the current friendship untenable; but remember that going too slowly may mean that you miss the opportunity for what may be a beautiful future.

4. The Sage first recommends that you avoid shopping with either one of this couple or entering the store where she is employed, if it can be avoided. You or your wife might ask Betty or her hsband how they happened upon such wonderful treasures, and how they can bear to part with so many of them at once, especially if there appear to be several which are nearly identical. Additionally, if the items were obviously purchased recently, such as an electronic device which only recently became available, you may need to confront your friend - the husband - about your concerns and your worries that he might be considered an accessory, which could result in his dishonorable discharge. If that doesn't stop it, or even if it does, a call to the manager explaining that you've overheard that his employees are bolstering their wealth at the company's expense, would be in order.

As the Oracle might say, Knowing of evil and ignoring it is no better than commiting the evil yourself.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Sage (and the bonsai too!)
    Great sensible sage advice... hope the seekers take heed of it.

    Also hope your corner of the cave is still safe and warm, and your followers don't forget to feed you so you wont have to dine on skinny bears... if you must though, get them when they're still half asleep.