Thursday, July 1, 2010

Receding Sage

The Sage barely has time for this week's Seekers, as the Sage prepares to make pilgrimage and to leave the Minions in charge of maintaining order in the Mystic Cave. The Sage sincerely hopes that no harm will come to the Minions from any Seeker unwilling to wait for the Sage's return. This week's Seekers are linked to the headline, above.

1. The Sage recognizes that college students will do many things to finance themselves during those typically lean years. Yes, you should tell this woman, just on the very slight chance that your future progeny with her might one day wish to mate with one of your existing biological offsprings. You might even be the father of her niece or nephew, and never know it. Should she find that this is something she simply cannot bear the idea of, you will be better off without her. However, the Sage does expect to hear from your ladylove soon after this proclamation.

2. The Sage has known a few ethical and competent litigators, but very few who were both. Since this career is still considered a man's profession by many, the Sage understands the that "good old boys" might be at a loss as to what to say to you. Do not accept these back-handed compliments. Stand up with every inch of your five-foot-two frame and lambast them into submission, so that they might see that you indeed are NOT too nice to join their ranks. The Sage is quite certain that you will not continue to hear such remarks much longer.

3. The Sage is of the opinion that both children should immediately be sent off to boarding school, where you and their father will be quite unable to damage these children by showing favoritism to one over the other. In the meantime, however, take the younger child to the mall and force her to watch an entire morning of ear piercings. The Sage doubts that she will wish to return to watch her sister's perforation take place. If she does, the Sage could always use a brave young neophyte.

4. The Sage concurs that your entire family must enter this fracas, and should insist that the date be changed for your own conveniences. Weddings have nothing to do with the bride or her family. If her relations have conflicts with the other dates your sister has in mind, that is their loss. The groom, as your "widdle bwudder", should have all the say in this matter, and needs to begin to whip "Jane" into shape early as to who gets to make all the decisions for the other. Then again, it sounds as if he has already abdicated this role, in permitting his bride-to-be decide who in his family is worthy of coming to her wedding.


  1. How do you ever manage to be so concise so quickly? If I ever tried that, it would take me an entire morning to remove a comma, and the whole afternoon to replace it.

  2. I'm with hrumpole. You've known me long enough to see that if I get 6,385 words into a rant and quit, I haven't made a point yet.

    Both witty and sagacious as ever, O great one. Hey! I bet that's why you're called that, huh?

  3. Oh Greeat Sage, your advice to take the youngeer kid to watch ear piercings for a whole morning is amazingly sage! I don't think I could do it, particularly in that I too did go through that experience. If I had witnessed it before hand, I probably wouldn't have!

    I think what you meant in your first paragraph is that you were going on a vacation or at least a long weekend --have a great time!