Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Sage replies to Monday's Seekers from Tuesday on Wednesday

1. The Sage wonders whether your ex is the gentleman who consulted the Lesser Advisor some time back, inquiring about the wisdom of having sex with the nanny. Your focus does need to be your offspring. The only way to control who their step-mother will be would to ensure that no step-mother is possible. However, homicide might also remove the possibility of them having a mother, as well.

2. The Sage agrees that recipients of gifts must show some appreciation. Perhaps your aunt has gone around a bend most of us would prefer to avoid, and this is why your uncle has finally intervened. Should you receive an old calendar in the future, thank her for the pretty pictures. Some people who do crafts appreciate a good, out of date calendar.

3. The Sage recommends that you and your son each poffer a sincere apology for the accident. In your apology, admit that the item was irreplaceable, but resist the temptation to mention that such treasures should not be left where children might accidentally crash into them.

4. The Sage wonders why your assurance was that you would not tell - yet later did - rather than that someone who truly loves her would forgive her behavior, especially if it was not repeated. Explain now that the boy was upset, and when people are upset, they try and usually succeed to hurt the other person's feelings. The Sage suspects you have unusually high expectations for this small child.

5. The Sage does not believe that your desire to meet your children's new sibling is unreasonable, but does agree that it might be better for you to wait until the child has arrived home, unless an explicit invitation has been extended for you to join the family at the hospital. If you are not sure whether such an invitation to the children was meant to include you, you have the Sage's permission to ask the parents-to-be.

6. The Sage thanks you for not rudely pointing out to your father and uncle how rude they were being to share a private joke in a large setting, much less to be using the cell phone at dinner. Let it go. Perhaps try to separate these children at the next family meal.

7. Which Minion let you in here?

8. You are late. Also, Seekers may only visit the Mystic Cave once with the same concern, especially if it has been resolved. However, grandparents who measure their love for a grandchild based on her newly-revealed biology do not deserve a relationship with her.

9. The Sage must remind you that you have no rights regarding your ex's legally made decisions. Be assured that if she were not of legal majority, he would not be seen in public with her. Under no circumstance may you consider using your children as spies, so do not ask.

10. The Sage disagrees that this woman is your friend. A friend would know that you would have been divorced by now, and would be happy that you are moving on with your life.

11. Again, the Sage must remind you that you have no rights regarding your husband's legally made decisions. Unless you believe your children will be lying awake while your husband and his girlfriend copulate, this is none of your business; it is at least not your place to instruct him on correct behavior.

Any other Seekers gathered at the Mystic Cave to ask how to control an ex's behavior with his or her new love, please leave now.

12. The Sage wonders how you surmised that she forced your father's hand. Perhaps she is retaining your father's estate only until her own death, at which time, the remaining estate will be divided between the progeny both of herself and of your father.

13. The Sage will reply that when your children's emotional well-being is at stake, you must be direct and forthcoming. Explain to your bride that the two of you immediately will taking courses or counselling to help you each know what to expect of the children and how properly to deal with them. Add that this is non-negotiable.

14. The Sage suggests that you continue to see your father when your brother does, so that he is not overwhelmed by your father's beliefs. Once you are both of age, you may each do as you wish regarding this relationship. Your father's mind is made up, and he does not wish to be confused with facts, such as that he was not refused permission to see each of you, despite of his warped opinions.

15. The Sage would prefer that you speak privately with this person and explain that this behavior was ill advised, but not as ill advised as posting this picture in a public place. Encourage her to remove the picture and not to repeat the behavior.


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  2. Special Note to Minion Katy: The Sage is aware that you generally are unable to view the other location for such musings, and makes an effort to post at least some weeks' Sage Advice where you may access it.