Today's Seekers, found at http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/01/sick_spouse_is_it_ok_to_take_a_lover_if_your_husband_can_t_meet_your_needs_.single.html#pagebreak_anchor_2, seem to be created dilemmas from the Lesser Advisor's weekly reading. However, answers will be provided below.
1. The Sage, being such an ancient dispenser of Wisdom, can certainly grasp the enormity of this problem. Sadly, this situation or something like it affects many couples as they age. You, and you alone, are the only person who can answer whether you would be able to do this or whether the guilt would make your proposed situation untenable. Additionally, you must consider what will happen should you develop tender feelings for this hyspothetical individual and what you would be likely to do should this occur.
2. The Sage believes that you have already been far more generous with this woman that any person should be expected to be, when you permitted her to borrow your womb - and indeed, your entire body - for several months. Do not wait until the next large family gathering to speak to her about this situation. Calmly explain that you are delighted that she now has this wonderful daughter. However, it hurts you deeply when she makes these comments about how you appear after having assited her in this way. Tell her simply to refrain from these hurtful comments, adding if necessary that you do not constantly remind her of her inability to bear a child, and that these comments of hers toward you are just as cruel.
3. The Sage would point out that since you hired this individual, he is your responsibility. You are not doing your job of managing him, and must call him into his office to point out in a professional manner how his attitude is undermining the morale within the department. One need not steal the company funds to be disruptive, as you have found out. However, you also must ask yourself how this rather cliquish group seems to the new man. Perhaps when you all get together and chat about past vacations, ask about each others children, pets, and hobbies and use inside jokes, you are inadvertently making him feel like the odd man out, causing him to lash out at each of you.
4. The Sage is bemused that you consider a vacation a time during which any of you need cook. Granted, this can be less expensive and more healthy, but if this is your normal household task, your vacation sounds more like taking your work on the road with you. You must speak to your husband's mother and express your concern that your two households generally do not eat the same. Follow the the assertion that you do not mind cooking for all of you. Then you may suggest that she and her husband might be happier if she cooked for the two of them, and you for thee ones in your own household. At worst, she will not be surprised when you do this on your vacation. Since this obviously will entail more cleanup, you and your husband must be prepared to assist her with cleaning up all the utensils for both of you after each meal. However, if there are many families on this trip, then you need simply to add one or two courses acceptable to you at each meal.