The Sage has become aware of the difficulty Followers might have with jumping back and forth between teh page of Seekers and the Sage's wisdom. Therefore, brief synopses will henceforth be included with each response. Today's Seekers may be found here. http://www.slate.com/id/2260483/
1. First is a Seeker with a small child. The woman's longterm boyfriend wants her to have her breasts enlarged. The rest of the details are in the link.
The Sage fails to understand why you didn't take care of this inadequacy on your part years ago. Pity the poor man, who has had to endure sexual relationships with you time and again, all the time knowing that he was forcing himself to make do without Dolly-sized cups. Did you think that he was with you for your winning personality and intelligent mind? Your daughter's self-perception is immaterial, since size tends to be hereditary, and regardless of her education or accomplishments or personality, she will one day also need to have her own body enhanced in order to keep a boyfriend stung along for years. Surely you would not expect that she ever would marry, since that would require a commitment on the part of her beau, even knowing that some day she, too, will wrinkle and sag and get age spots. Besides, this augmentation will help you secure another temporary father figure for your child, when this one tires of you and moves on.
2. Next is a Seeker whose elderly in-laws wish to be included on ever trip, particularly vacation trips, that the couples make. Far-flung siblings of the husband are reticent about assisting with their parents.
The Sage reminds you that, yes, you absolutely are being selfish. Why would you need any time away from household chores, pressures at any outside employment or volunteer responsibilities, and ensuring that your husband's parents are well taken care of? You certainly have not expected your husband to be the primary one looking out for his own parents the times when you have consented to take them with you. It should not matter that your sight-seeing may be limited to whatever an octogenarian might be able to do, since you absolutely must not go to any ruins or caverns or the like which might make it difficult for them to be with you for every step of your journey. The Sage is also aware that as a responsible daughter-in-law, you must be sharing a room in whatever hotels you stay at with your mother-in-law, while your husband bunks with his father, in case they have needs or desires during that night that only a loving child would be able to assist with.
3. Our next Seeker is an individual with a psychiatric disorder which is being well-managed. A new intern uses disagreements between them as an excuse to comment negatively on the Seeker's disorder.
The Sage recommends that when this person makes such a comment, you remind her of the Americans with Disabilities Act, and that constant harassment of someone due to their disabilitity is an actionable item. Document every such occurence, especially who else was present when these comments are made. Should it continue, bring your complaint and documentation to your Director of Human Resources. Neither your nor anyone else in your field will be subjected to this person's condescending attitude in the future should it reach this point.
4. Our final Seeker of the day is a former florist who was asked to make an arrangement for a funeral, which upset most members of the family, including the one who made the initial request.
The Sage commends you on embarassing your entire side of the family, with the exception of your step-mother. You really will need to try harder in the future. When the others call and complain, tell them that you have acheived your goal, and hang up.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Sage branching into newer fields
Today's Seekers come from a new pasture of Seekers and may be found here. http://www.slate.com/id/2259970/
1. The Sage is in full sympathy with your ire toward Andy, James, and Valerie. How dare they assume that because they once were fully autonomous adults, they no longer have to asnswer to you, especially in their relationships with one another. The Sage insists that you go on Facebook, MySpace, the local media, whatever it takes, and fully denouce these backstabbing former compatriots for the turncoats that they are.
2. The Sage realizes that you need to be a light to your weary cohort. Continue to provide as many examples to her of your own good fortune, so that she may continue to aspire to your own success, both professionally and personally. In time, she'll forget her campaign of negativity, and recognize your efforts for what they truly are.
3. The Sage applauds your unique method of battling evil gossip by sharing with the ones gossiped about. However, the Sage notices that you have failed to continue this effort by reporting back to your soon-to-be sister-in-law about the gossip which has been shared about her. With all decorum, you and your new-found friend must each report back to this almost-relative. In this way, all transmission of tales between the three of you should be nipped soundly in the bud.
1. The Sage is in full sympathy with your ire toward Andy, James, and Valerie. How dare they assume that because they once were fully autonomous adults, they no longer have to asnswer to you, especially in their relationships with one another. The Sage insists that you go on Facebook, MySpace, the local media, whatever it takes, and fully denouce these backstabbing former compatriots for the turncoats that they are.
2. The Sage realizes that you need to be a light to your weary cohort. Continue to provide as many examples to her of your own good fortune, so that she may continue to aspire to your own success, both professionally and personally. In time, she'll forget her campaign of negativity, and recognize your efforts for what they truly are.
3. The Sage applauds your unique method of battling evil gossip by sharing with the ones gossiped about. However, the Sage notices that you have failed to continue this effort by reporting back to your soon-to-be sister-in-law about the gossip which has been shared about her. With all decorum, you and your new-found friend must each report back to this almost-relative. In this way, all transmission of tales between the three of you should be nipped soundly in the bud.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
The Oracle's Visions
As the Sage is still on Pilgrimage, the Oracle will answer this week's Seekers, who may be found here. http://www.slate.com/id/2259807/
1. The Pracle says, drinking with the boss never leads to success.
2. The Oracle says, never loan a relative money that you hope to see again.
3. The Oracle says, the best way for someone to put something behind them is to quit turning around to look at it.
4. The Oracle says, not everything which is ask for will be received.
The Sage expects to return next week, fully rested and ready to take on yet another batch of doltish Seekers, to inform them of the best ways not to proceed with their banal lives.
1. The Pracle says, drinking with the boss never leads to success.
2. The Oracle says, never loan a relative money that you hope to see again.
3. The Oracle says, the best way for someone to put something behind them is to quit turning around to look at it.
4. The Oracle says, not everything which is ask for will be received.
The Sage expects to return next week, fully rested and ready to take on yet another batch of doltish Seekers, to inform them of the best ways not to proceed with their banal lives.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Receding Sage
The Sage barely has time for this week's Seekers, as the Sage prepares to make pilgrimage and to leave the Minions in charge of maintaining order in the Mystic Cave. The Sage sincerely hopes that no harm will come to the Minions from any Seeker unwilling to wait for the Sage's return. This week's Seekers are linked to the headline, above.
1. The Sage recognizes that college students will do many things to finance themselves during those typically lean years. Yes, you should tell this woman, just on the very slight chance that your future progeny with her might one day wish to mate with one of your existing biological offsprings. You might even be the father of her niece or nephew, and never know it. Should she find that this is something she simply cannot bear the idea of, you will be better off without her. However, the Sage does expect to hear from your ladylove soon after this proclamation.
2. The Sage has known a few ethical and competent litigators, but very few who were both. Since this career is still considered a man's profession by many, the Sage understands the that "good old boys" might be at a loss as to what to say to you. Do not accept these back-handed compliments. Stand up with every inch of your five-foot-two frame and lambast them into submission, so that they might see that you indeed are NOT too nice to join their ranks. The Sage is quite certain that you will not continue to hear such remarks much longer.
3. The Sage is of the opinion that both children should immediately be sent off to boarding school, where you and their father will be quite unable to damage these children by showing favoritism to one over the other. In the meantime, however, take the younger child to the mall and force her to watch an entire morning of ear piercings. The Sage doubts that she will wish to return to watch her sister's perforation take place. If she does, the Sage could always use a brave young neophyte.
4. The Sage concurs that your entire family must enter this fracas, and should insist that the date be changed for your own conveniences. Weddings have nothing to do with the bride or her family. If her relations have conflicts with the other dates your sister has in mind, that is their loss. The groom, as your "widdle bwudder", should have all the say in this matter, and needs to begin to whip "Jane" into shape early as to who gets to make all the decisions for the other. Then again, it sounds as if he has already abdicated this role, in permitting his bride-to-be decide who in his family is worthy of coming to her wedding.
1. The Sage recognizes that college students will do many things to finance themselves during those typically lean years. Yes, you should tell this woman, just on the very slight chance that your future progeny with her might one day wish to mate with one of your existing biological offsprings. You might even be the father of her niece or nephew, and never know it. Should she find that this is something she simply cannot bear the idea of, you will be better off without her. However, the Sage does expect to hear from your ladylove soon after this proclamation.
2. The Sage has known a few ethical and competent litigators, but very few who were both. Since this career is still considered a man's profession by many, the Sage understands the that "good old boys" might be at a loss as to what to say to you. Do not accept these back-handed compliments. Stand up with every inch of your five-foot-two frame and lambast them into submission, so that they might see that you indeed are NOT too nice to join their ranks. The Sage is quite certain that you will not continue to hear such remarks much longer.
3. The Sage is of the opinion that both children should immediately be sent off to boarding school, where you and their father will be quite unable to damage these children by showing favoritism to one over the other. In the meantime, however, take the younger child to the mall and force her to watch an entire morning of ear piercings. The Sage doubts that she will wish to return to watch her sister's perforation take place. If she does, the Sage could always use a brave young neophyte.
4. The Sage concurs that your entire family must enter this fracas, and should insist that the date be changed for your own conveniences. Weddings have nothing to do with the bride or her family. If her relations have conflicts with the other dates your sister has in mind, that is their loss. The groom, as your "widdle bwudder", should have all the say in this matter, and needs to begin to whip "Jane" into shape early as to who gets to make all the decisions for the other. Then again, it sounds as if he has already abdicated this role, in permitting his bride-to-be decide who in his family is worthy of coming to her wedding.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Paternally Sage
The Sage acknowledges that occasions such as Mother's Day and especially Father's Day can be very trying for many Seekers. Not all Seekers had adequate parentage, and many had malignant guardians in their minority. Even so, the Sage will attempt to address the concerns of the following http://www.slate.com/id/2257149/ Seekers.
1. The Sage assures you to follow your instincts. You absolutely must let this child know, as soon as humanly possible, of his mother's slatternly ways and that his father is not his own. Armed with this knowledge, the child may at once begin to afford each of your the respect which you so solicitously have earned. With luck, you may even be able to secure child support for two unique sources.
2. The Sage is confident that you daughter will understand your coaching her brother and showing only a modicum of interest in her own endeavors. Knowing early on where on stands in regard to the affections of one's own parents can be a positive thing. If nothing else, she may save the costly expense of Father's Day gifts throughout her adulthood.
3. The Sage recognizes the need for meditative contemplations to maintain one's balance and harmony with the universe, even if this introspection includes a gallon of Rocky Road ice cream. However, your nearly-adult progeny are unable to invest in this same opportunity by be required to grace their father's home on such a regular basis. Many teenagers in households including both of the original and immediate progenitors rarely grace said household with their presence over an entire weekend. The Sage recommends that you convene a meeting with them to discuss what you options are and what is fair for each person. Armed with this knowledge, they may then approach their father about whether their presence is genuinely required on such a regular basis. At a minimum, they should be permitted as teenagers to continue about the usual age-appropriate activities, regardless of where they make their bed that night.
4. The Sage suggests that you inform your father that you cannot give a recommendationas to his qualifications as anyone's suitor, given that your own relationship with him necessarily precludes that parameter.
1. The Sage assures you to follow your instincts. You absolutely must let this child know, as soon as humanly possible, of his mother's slatternly ways and that his father is not his own. Armed with this knowledge, the child may at once begin to afford each of your the respect which you so solicitously have earned. With luck, you may even be able to secure child support for two unique sources.
2. The Sage is confident that you daughter will understand your coaching her brother and showing only a modicum of interest in her own endeavors. Knowing early on where on stands in regard to the affections of one's own parents can be a positive thing. If nothing else, she may save the costly expense of Father's Day gifts throughout her adulthood.
3. The Sage recognizes the need for meditative contemplations to maintain one's balance and harmony with the universe, even if this introspection includes a gallon of Rocky Road ice cream. However, your nearly-adult progeny are unable to invest in this same opportunity by be required to grace their father's home on such a regular basis. Many teenagers in households including both of the original and immediate progenitors rarely grace said household with their presence over an entire weekend. The Sage recommends that you convene a meeting with them to discuss what you options are and what is fair for each person. Armed with this knowledge, they may then approach their father about whether their presence is genuinely required on such a regular basis. At a minimum, they should be permitted as teenagers to continue about the usual age-appropriate activities, regardless of where they make their bed that night.
4. The Sage suggests that you inform your father that you cannot give a recommendationas to his qualifications as anyone's suitor, given that your own relationship with him necessarily precludes that parameter.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Journalistic Sage
The Sage is understandably dismayed that so many Seekers and their acquaintances have failed to grasp the simple concept that anything in writing, particularly that which is not anonymous, may and probably will eventually be held against the writer. This is the case for at least two individuals known by today's Seekers, who may be found here. http://www.slate.com/id/2256360/
1. The Sage wonders whether the Seeker was up to no good as a teenager. If not, what sort of teenager were you, anyway? If you are female, it is perfectly natural for your mother not have gotten along with you. This is why Romans married off their daughters at age 12, and why wolves, lions, etc. chase away their young shortly after weaning. If you are male, you may have suffered from an Oedipal complex, and should remember that in the wild, some parents eat their young. In either case, the Sage suggests that you dig up your mother's corpse, flail it until it is but dust, and crush her marker so that no one may know where her remains had been. Additionally, take your daughter to the county clerk's office and have her name legally changed, regardless of her age or protestations. Naturally, lesser advisors would perhaps recommend that you accept that she died during a time of great upheaval in your life, and that she may have misunderstood your actions, perhaps filtering them through memories other teens she had known when she was younger. While you do not mention how your mother died, she may have had some mental disturbance which distorted her view of her assuredly perfect progeny.
2. The Sage recognizes that this woman needs to learn how to deal with her feelings toward her husband's shortcoming. You must stress that she is overacting. Should such an action occur in the future, you need to decide upon one of two responses. You may ignore her actions for a time, followed by a concerned, "Are you all right? Are you choking?" to force her to say what she is thinking. Alternately, you may change your top into the most revealing article you have in your possession. The Sage grants you permission to purchase something more revealing than you likely have at present, just to make your point. Neither you nor this man's wife are responsible for his thoughts nor his actions. You alone can impress this upon her enfeebled soul.
3. The Sage insists that you have issued a Cease and Desist order at once, followed by legal proceedings against her on grounds of defamation of character. While blogging may be an entertaining way for many to share their personal diaries - along with many private thoughts and emotions, your former flame needs to consider what may happen with an even less private journal, such as those of the mother of today's first Seeker. Do not lister to the advice of Lesser Advisors, who would have you empower this woman's neuroses concerning you.
4. The Sage agrees that you must protect this woman at all costs. Grovel to her manager and to the manager's supervisors, insisting that she remain with the company, to continue to cost the enterprise money with little return. Offer to permit her to assume your own position, if necessary. After all, her needs should be foremost in your mind, not whether the company is getting a return on its investment or whether your own household must to without in order to support her. The Sage is positive that this inept employee must be the first widow with college-aged children ever to seek employment, and must therefore be justly rewarded for her failed attempt to be productive. Certainly her college-aged children could not be expected to contribute to securing their own education, when this woman is still so able to procure such sympathies in Seekers like yourself. In the unlikely event that your prostrating yourself on her behalf does not achieve the desired results, you absolutely must inform her in advance of her impending doom. Sacrificing your own position and future employability is a small price to pay to give her a few extra days of preparation to secure alternate means to sustain her offsprings' comfortable lives.
1. The Sage wonders whether the Seeker was up to no good as a teenager. If not, what sort of teenager were you, anyway? If you are female, it is perfectly natural for your mother not have gotten along with you. This is why Romans married off their daughters at age 12, and why wolves, lions, etc. chase away their young shortly after weaning. If you are male, you may have suffered from an Oedipal complex, and should remember that in the wild, some parents eat their young. In either case, the Sage suggests that you dig up your mother's corpse, flail it until it is but dust, and crush her marker so that no one may know where her remains had been. Additionally, take your daughter to the county clerk's office and have her name legally changed, regardless of her age or protestations. Naturally, lesser advisors would perhaps recommend that you accept that she died during a time of great upheaval in your life, and that she may have misunderstood your actions, perhaps filtering them through memories other teens she had known when she was younger. While you do not mention how your mother died, she may have had some mental disturbance which distorted her view of her assuredly perfect progeny.
2. The Sage recognizes that this woman needs to learn how to deal with her feelings toward her husband's shortcoming. You must stress that she is overacting. Should such an action occur in the future, you need to decide upon one of two responses. You may ignore her actions for a time, followed by a concerned, "Are you all right? Are you choking?" to force her to say what she is thinking. Alternately, you may change your top into the most revealing article you have in your possession. The Sage grants you permission to purchase something more revealing than you likely have at present, just to make your point. Neither you nor this man's wife are responsible for his thoughts nor his actions. You alone can impress this upon her enfeebled soul.
3. The Sage insists that you have issued a Cease and Desist order at once, followed by legal proceedings against her on grounds of defamation of character. While blogging may be an entertaining way for many to share their personal diaries - along with many private thoughts and emotions, your former flame needs to consider what may happen with an even less private journal, such as those of the mother of today's first Seeker. Do not lister to the advice of Lesser Advisors, who would have you empower this woman's neuroses concerning you.
4. The Sage agrees that you must protect this woman at all costs. Grovel to her manager and to the manager's supervisors, insisting that she remain with the company, to continue to cost the enterprise money with little return. Offer to permit her to assume your own position, if necessary. After all, her needs should be foremost in your mind, not whether the company is getting a return on its investment or whether your own household must to without in order to support her. The Sage is positive that this inept employee must be the first widow with college-aged children ever to seek employment, and must therefore be justly rewarded for her failed attempt to be productive. Certainly her college-aged children could not be expected to contribute to securing their own education, when this woman is still so able to procure such sympathies in Seekers like yourself. In the unlikely event that your prostrating yourself on her behalf does not achieve the desired results, you absolutely must inform her in advance of her impending doom. Sacrificing your own position and future employability is a small price to pay to give her a few extra days of preparation to secure alternate means to sustain her offsprings' comfortable lives.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
A kinder and gentler Sage.
The Sage is now resettled in the Mystic Cave. The large carnivore which had taken up residence there has evacuated the premises, and all is well on the Astral Plane. Therefore, the Sage is offering kinder and gentler remarks than usual to this week's Seekers. http://www.slate.com/id/2255751/
1. The Sage recommends that you let this go and learn to knock before entering Bill's office. The Sage is certain that most people, while alone in an otherwise empty office, engage in at least some activity which they would prefer others not see, even if the social faux pas is trimming one's toenails.
2. The Sage has ruled out having Jocko and the Wrench going over to consult with your ex. Therefore, your best course would be to sit your son down and tell him that if he has any questions about you or about your former marriage, that he should feel free to ask you at any time. You might add the caveat reminder that all people have the tendency to adjust the truth at times to make themselves look better, but only if you thin he will not take this as an admission that you intend to lie to him. If he continues to act sullen toward you, you must insist that he speak with you. You can tell him, without an admission of having looked into his personal writings, that you believe he is now old enough to hear what happened between his father and yourself. Include both positives and negatives about the relationship, and do not only cover what items about which the father has apparently altered the truth. At some point in his life, your son will most likely decide either to accept what you have told him or to put the entire matter in the past, where it belongs. His feelings that you and his father were forced to marry due to your pregnancy no doubt makes him feel as if he were unwanted, rather than the loved and cherished individual the Sage is certain that he is.
The Lesser Advisor, incidentally is mistaken. It is not inherently wrong for a loving parent to look at the writings of a minor child to determine whether they are still on the straight and narrow path. It would be wrong for a parent believing their child is having problems which they are not mature enough to handle not to use any resource at the parent's disposal to help the child. Directly attacking the father's credibility will only cause the child to defend the father and will further damage the parent's relationship with the child.
3. The Sage insists that you let these material items go. You have lost a book and a friend. They have lost a child and all of the future that they had envisioned for for this child. Buy a new book and enjoy the memories and mementoes of your friend which are currently in your possession.
4. The Sage suggests that your husband ask these well-meaning strangers why they ask as to his veteran status. If they callously mention his missing limb, he can inform them that the injury and his military service had nothing to with one another, or he can simply shake his head and walk away. If they say they merely wish to thank him for his service, he can answer, "You're welcome."
The Sage's Cardinal Minion served in the military and is disabled. He has been informed by many well-meaning people when he parks in a handicapped parking space that he can get a "disabled veteran" plate. However, like with your husband, this is incorrect; the disability for these plates must be service related, and the Cardinal Minion's disability is not.
1. The Sage recommends that you let this go and learn to knock before entering Bill's office. The Sage is certain that most people, while alone in an otherwise empty office, engage in at least some activity which they would prefer others not see, even if the social faux pas is trimming one's toenails.
2. The Sage has ruled out having Jocko and the Wrench going over to consult with your ex. Therefore, your best course would be to sit your son down and tell him that if he has any questions about you or about your former marriage, that he should feel free to ask you at any time. You might add the caveat reminder that all people have the tendency to adjust the truth at times to make themselves look better, but only if you thin he will not take this as an admission that you intend to lie to him. If he continues to act sullen toward you, you must insist that he speak with you. You can tell him, without an admission of having looked into his personal writings, that you believe he is now old enough to hear what happened between his father and yourself. Include both positives and negatives about the relationship, and do not only cover what items about which the father has apparently altered the truth. At some point in his life, your son will most likely decide either to accept what you have told him or to put the entire matter in the past, where it belongs. His feelings that you and his father were forced to marry due to your pregnancy no doubt makes him feel as if he were unwanted, rather than the loved and cherished individual the Sage is certain that he is.
The Lesser Advisor, incidentally is mistaken. It is not inherently wrong for a loving parent to look at the writings of a minor child to determine whether they are still on the straight and narrow path. It would be wrong for a parent believing their child is having problems which they are not mature enough to handle not to use any resource at the parent's disposal to help the child. Directly attacking the father's credibility will only cause the child to defend the father and will further damage the parent's relationship with the child.
3. The Sage insists that you let these material items go. You have lost a book and a friend. They have lost a child and all of the future that they had envisioned for for this child. Buy a new book and enjoy the memories and mementoes of your friend which are currently in your possession.
4. The Sage suggests that your husband ask these well-meaning strangers why they ask as to his veteran status. If they callously mention his missing limb, he can inform them that the injury and his military service had nothing to with one another, or he can simply shake his head and walk away. If they say they merely wish to thank him for his service, he can answer, "You're welcome."
The Sage's Cardinal Minion served in the military and is disabled. He has been informed by many well-meaning people when he parks in a handicapped parking space that he can get a "disabled veteran" plate. However, like with your husband, this is incorrect; the disability for these plates must be service related, and the Cardinal Minion's disability is not.
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