Thursday, November 19, 2009

Sage with Turkey

Here are today's Seekers:

1. The Sage applauds your independence, and recommends that you find another Smith or perhaps a homeless Jones to fill in your spot for the in-law's picture. When your fiance discovers how much more pleasant it is to deal with someone who knows how to get along with his family, the issue of appearing in this picture should never trouble you again.

2. No.

Oh, you wanted a Sagely response. The Sage suggests that, by all means, you should encourage this hobby. Perhaps you could organize a Brownie troop, and he could take pictures of each of them in their unmentionable twice a year until they are adults, so that he can modify these pictures just to see what they might look like nude. Be sure to encourage him to offer his services asa babysitter for these girls whenever you are otherwise occupied for the evening. The Sage is convinced he would soon become the talk of the town.

3. The Sage fails to understand why it might be unacceptable to approach someone through a dating site in which he has voluntarily enrolled. At worst, he can tell you he isn't interested or simply ignore you. At best, it saves him that awkward moment of explaining to you that he has terminal cancer. The Sage does wish you to consider your motivations in pursuing this relationship, to ensure that you are not simply misplacing your compassion beyond the environs of your office.

4. The Sage assumes that you already have met this uncle and are not merely over-reacting to descriptions your boyfriend has given you of him. The Sage commends your hospitality and urges you to send your friends Guido and Tiny to meet with this uncle, at least to have them greet the guests entering your home to give them each a proper frisking. The uncle may need to be given an offer he can't refuse to leave his peace-maker at home. Perhaps you know a uniformed officer who could use a good meal on Thanksgiving Day, just before or just after his (not her) shift.

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