Thursday, November 12, 2009

Sunrise Sage

Today's Seekers may be found here.

1. The Sage is confused, having never met anyone too unattractive to flirt nor too unattractive to be flirted with. Perhaps your understanding of the purpose of flirting is skewed. The Sage sees two alternatives for you. You can begin flirting with members of whatever gender you are attracted to, regardless of how attractive or unattractive the flirtee is, and just have fun doing it. Alternately, resign yourself to the concept that you simply aren't worthy. The Sage has seen many objectively unattractive individuals in deep relationships. Fortunately for their partners, these individuals didn't worry about how they appeared to others, and just went with the flow. However, convents, monasteries, and the like can always use a new novice. Have you considered a position as a Minion in a Mystic Cave?

2. The Sage see no problem here, either. Explain to your in-laws that you wish to host the event this year, your way, or accept that the rest of your life will be spent having Thanksgiving dinner where children are unwelcome and leftovers are unavailable.

[Note to Novices: Where are you finding these flailing Seekers who have no Questions of Import? Have you been trying to sell the Sage's autograph again?]

3. Thank you, Minions, this is more like it. The Sage recommends that you approach your employer with a question. Ask if he would like to have a share of the finder's fee for turning in the perpetrator of insurance fraud whom you have discovered. When he inquires further, explain that it is his office manager who is perpetrating this fraud. This will give him opportunity to explain to her the error of her ways, find a new office manager and perhaps a new wife, and make restitution on his own. If he fails to do this and you likewise fail to report this to someone, then all with this knowledge are considered co-conspirators. Unless you would enjoy having the office manager as your cellmate, you need to act at once. Be sure to document this conversation and your evidence, as you may be told something is being done and then be accused of being the thief yourself.

4. At last, a trule Sage-worthy dilemma. The Sage insists that you make the most of any communication you have with this man. When he shows the least proclivity to communicate with you, as he did in this instance, immediately turn off all media, lock out any children or pets, and close the blinds so that he may give you his undivided attention. Carefully watch his eyes as you speak. If his eyes begin to wander or he begins to squirm, reassert that this is your time and that he must pay heed. Be as insistent as the Sage's computer, which just demanded that it be rebooted, and only appeared to offer an option as to when. Finally, when you have nothing else to add, you may permit him to resume his previous activities. He may, at this point, wish to communicate to you, now that his role as receptor has been exhausted. Indulge him if you wish, but never forget that communication in your marriage is all about what you have to say.

1 comment:

  1. I was also wondering how #3 "knows" the wife is committing insurance fraud. She needs to be careful lest her fingerprints be found aaaaaall over it also. Nice work, O Sage One. :)