Thursday, August 19, 2010

Sage what you mean

This week's Seekers may be found here.

1. The earliest Seeker accused a man of "cornering" the Seeker as a small child, knowing this was untrue.

The Sage congratulates you on your new and improved memory, but sees no legal ramifications of "unsuppressing" a memory created as a child. While you may have little memory of the details, be assured the man who was castigated as an offender remembers them well, if he is still alive, as do the records at the police department. The Sage does wonder how so young a child knew to claim you had been "cornered in a bathroom" unless at some time you had been, by someone.

2. Next we have a highly-placed professional who wonders if telling someone that a relative is a difficult person so that the relative is not hired makes the Seeker a bad person.

The Sage assures you that you are correct. Wanting to undermine this person before she is even on the short list of candidates does make you a horrible person. If your relative is indeed the difficult person you portray, this will get back to your company. At a minimum, the relative's behaviors will assure she is not with your company long. However, feel free to express to one and all how you feel about this person. This will cement in their heads how alike you and she are.

3. Along comes a Seeker who lied when her boyfriend once asked the number of prior lovers.

The Sage urges you to contact this man at once, to set straight the record of exactly how many male bodies have been crushed up against yours. Better yet, e-mail him a spread sheet with names, dates, number of encounters for each man, preferred positions, locations of each rendezvous, and so forth. Be certain to include crushes as a small child or idolizing of celebrities of either gender. This will highlight positively for him your honesty and virtue.

4. The final Seeker in today's lineup is a non-custodial mother who shares an apartment with a roommate, so her son shares her bed when he is there, unless the Seeker's boyfriend is in her bed, instead.

The Sage is dumbfounded as to how you can let this situation continue. You absolutely must leave your son in your own bed until he is an adult and have your boyfriend take the couch. If your boyfriend is uncomfortable, consider getting a foldout couch for his exclusive use when he comes over. The Sage cannot begin to fathom how a woman with such keen instincts for child-rearing was not granted full and sole custody of this child.

As always, the Minions at the Mystic Cave will be happy to present your dilemma for the Sage's careful consideration. Simply use the e-mail address linked to the main page.


  1. "Better yet, e-mail him a spread sheet with names, dates, number of encounters for each man, preferred positions, locations of each rendezvous, and so forth."

    I am completely inclined to agree with this, up to and including gathering any photographic or video evidence and submitting that as well; all the better to help the hapless, jealous young man along in his quest to grow the fuck up a little. Bravo!

  2. Oh Sage! How would we know how to live if it weren't for your wise advice? (and a wonderful sense of irony!)

    Hey, do you have a barbecue in that cave? Can I come over? I have such a hankering for a Sage hot dog with mustard and ketchup and wisdom (that's relish actually)...

  3. The Sage is so pleased to know how you Relish our Wisdom and is certain that room can always be found for you in the dining cavern.

  4. Hi, Sage! I can't believe I've gone this long without reading your advice! Dare I say I've forgotten how truly awesome it is!

    But don't worry, I'm going to keep up on it from now on!