Thursday, September 2, 2010

Cheating cheaters and the Sage who called them on it.

This week's Seekers or those around them seem to have difficulty grasping and holding onto truths.  Fortunately, the Sage has always been a great dispenser of Truth.

1. The first Seeker is devastated that, having married a surgically sterile father a decade ago, she is now unable to fulfill her new-found goal of producing a child within her own womb.

The Sage concurs that by any means necessary, you must produce your own genetic descendants, or else your very existence in this Realm will have been for nought. Do not listen to those scoffers who would suggest that by rearing your husband's two young children, you have already made a difference in the world. Nor should you consider the feelings of your husband, who having teenaged or young adult offspring is now ready to enjoy his life as an empty nester. Nor should you consider the sensibilities of the step-children, who might wonder if you considered them to be poor substitutes for the past decade. Above all, do not consider fostering someone else's child. You are a woman, so it must be your perogative to change your mind, regardless of how old you or your husband will be when the child reaches 18, or the expense involved at the time your husband may be thinking of how to pay for college tuitions. Your overly delayed maternal longings are paramount, above any of those consideration. Find a lover and get pregnant or find OctoMom's doctor and get a turkey baster. Your husband will surely grow to appreciate your seeing beyond his pathetic reasoning, logic, and vasectomy.

2. The second Seeker is a scholar who has uncovered evidence of an earlier scholar having produced work not entirely his own.

The Sage commends you on your hard work to this date and encourages you to recognize, as did this other student, that now is the time to relax and to permit others to do the work for you. Think how fulfilled you will be knowing that cheating (such a harsh word) is such a simple task, provided that one keeps the topic obscure enough and the faculty fails to glance over any of the referenced sources. While there are those who have near-photographic memories and readily quote sources without realizing it, the Sage recognizes that those individuals running the risk of unintentional plagarism generally are aware of it by the post-graduate level. Since the preceding student will not have the degree revoked, your future colleagues might appreciate knowing that they must not permit this person to peruse their own, unpublished works.

3. Next comes a Seeker who is in the same field as the Seeker's daughter, and has been challenged that assisting the daughter is tantamount to dishonesty.

The Sage insists that you and your daughter throw yourselves at the feet of your colleague, and beg that he or she contact your own alma maters with the intent of having your academic and professional qualifications instantly revoked. You committed the most heinous crime of assisting a fellow professional in your field, while she merely failed to admit having consulted another in the field for some guidance. Public quartering would be too good for either of you. Should you miraclulously survive this punishment, discontinue such discussions with this helpful colleague. It is unlikely you would survive the tar and feathers which must surely accompany a second offense.

4. Our final Seeker is a widow whose late husband's parents seem to provoke the Seeker at every turn with respect to how to remember their beloved son.

The Sage conprehends that your husband's parents are themselves grieving. They obviously have had some difficulty letting him be an adult and permitting you and him to form your own nuclear family. With this understanding, the Sage believes that you have found your answer without the Sage's help. However, you might consider discussing with them their latest aggrievement and how it made their grandchildren feel, before you make the final step to remove them from your lives. In this way, they will understand that you were not merely looking to keep them from "all that remains" of their late son.


  1. How great is thy Wisdom! ...particularly about those pesky noisy remains....

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