The Sage is even more weary of hearing inquiries regarding Facebook than of hearing complaints from Bridezillas. However, today's Seekers may be found here: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/04/dear_prudie_dad_screams_at_the_kids_and_wants_the_house_spotless_.html
1. The Sage regrets to inform you that you did not hit the jackpot, if you are constantly in fear of your harmonious household being disrupted by this man. Inform him that you and he are going to family counselling and possibly classes on child development, so that he will learn what to expect from such youngf children. If he balks, explain how much more inexpensive this will be than child support. The Sage would add to the advice of the Lesser Advisor that the dinner table affords an excellent opportunity for all family members to share in pleasant, non-threatening conversation.
2. The Sage would remind you of the adage, that if everyone waited until they could afford to have children, humans would soon become extinct. Your description of your coworker sounds quite hostile, but it is unclear whether this hostility began to show itself to your superiors before or after her promotion. If parenthood is your goal, one or both of you might consider moonlighting to build up your nest egg, furthering your education in order secure more gainful employment, or merely brushing off the resumes to dearch for a better opportunity. If you are in an area especially hard hit by economic woes, consider relocating to greener pastures. While blaming others for your misfortune is easier than working smarter, the latter is much more productive. As to your suggestion of committing extortion or blackmail, bear in mind that both are illegal. Sexual harassment, including promoting someone else because of her sexual favors, is also illegal, actionable, and more beneficial for you to discuss with an attorney.
3. The Sage recommends that you do not attempt to get over your fear, but rather cultivate it. By your own admission, you are quite attracted to this woman. You are unavailable, but pursuing a platonic relationship with this woman - which you know you secretly hope will transform to a sexual one - can only harm your marriage. Find another class or another gym. If you plan to stay married to the woman you married, avoid this more scrumptuous woman.
4. The Sage believes that your primitive transportation device has been placed before your beast of burden. By all means, feel free to add this person to your list of Facebook friends. If you then find that he makes a number of posts with which you vehemently disagree, you can either try to engage him in intelligent debate on the issues on which you disagree, or you can hide those posts which offend you and limit the readership of those posts which you believe might irritate him. Of course, the option to quietly remove him from your list of friends is always an option, provided that he does not do this to you first. Even in Republic bastions, a few voices cry in the wilderness, hoping to make another side be heard.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
The Sage and scurrilous Souls
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/03/dear_prudie_son_is_a_slacker_how_do_we_motivate_him_.html
1. Today's first Seeker wishes to incinerate his son, or at least to light a fire under him. The Sage regrets to inform you that the time to begin to instill values in one's offspring is when said offspring is still a young child. By your own admission, the young man is well able to provide for himself. Your job is done.
2. The next Seeker believs that her interviewer made sexually inappropriate comments by asking her to explain how she is not "just a pretty girl" who used her natural assets to get where she is. The Sage assures you that this interviewer probably asked similar questions, such as "just a pretty face" or "just a muscular stud" with the other interviewees. Undoubtedly, the intent was to see how you react under pressure. By writing to the Other Advisor rather than handling this yourself, you have failed. If you are incapable of handling this type of question without fretting about discrimination, the Sage doubts that you would function well in your chosen profession. Consider becoming a tort attorney.
3. The Sage commends you on landing well after a terrible experience. Your in-laws are understandably curious about the child's origins, but you are under no obligation to give them a full accounting. Explain that the matter of her paternity is a painful subject for you that you prefer not to be questioned about. Better yet, have your marvelous husband explain this, and ask that he refuse to field additional questions on the topic. You should consider allowing him to adopt your daughter, if he has not already done so.
Note to the Other Advisor: Most jurisdictions have statutes of limitations on behaviors such as rape, which has probably expired where this crime happened. The facts are easy to locate online. She should consult a lawyer before involving the law at this late date.
4. The Sage, like the final Seeker, has an aversion to an excess of the color pink. Remind your wife that you both need to be comfortable in your new bedroom. If there is a room which is to be at least for a time her private space - for reading, crafting, gaming or whatever she likes to do in her spare time - offer to let her decorate that room any way she wishes. Suggest this room will be the female equivalent of a "man cave."
1. Today's first Seeker wishes to incinerate his son, or at least to light a fire under him. The Sage regrets to inform you that the time to begin to instill values in one's offspring is when said offspring is still a young child. By your own admission, the young man is well able to provide for himself. Your job is done.
2. The next Seeker believs that her interviewer made sexually inappropriate comments by asking her to explain how she is not "just a pretty girl" who used her natural assets to get where she is. The Sage assures you that this interviewer probably asked similar questions, such as "just a pretty face" or "just a muscular stud" with the other interviewees. Undoubtedly, the intent was to see how you react under pressure. By writing to the Other Advisor rather than handling this yourself, you have failed. If you are incapable of handling this type of question without fretting about discrimination, the Sage doubts that you would function well in your chosen profession. Consider becoming a tort attorney.
3. The Sage commends you on landing well after a terrible experience. Your in-laws are understandably curious about the child's origins, but you are under no obligation to give them a full accounting. Explain that the matter of her paternity is a painful subject for you that you prefer not to be questioned about. Better yet, have your marvelous husband explain this, and ask that he refuse to field additional questions on the topic. You should consider allowing him to adopt your daughter, if he has not already done so.
Note to the Other Advisor: Most jurisdictions have statutes of limitations on behaviors such as rape, which has probably expired where this crime happened. The facts are easy to locate online. She should consult a lawyer before involving the law at this late date.
4. The Sage, like the final Seeker, has an aversion to an excess of the color pink. Remind your wife that you both need to be comfortable in your new bedroom. If there is a room which is to be at least for a time her private space - for reading, crafting, gaming or whatever she likes to do in her spare time - offer to let her decorate that room any way she wishes. Suggest this room will be the female equivalent of a "man cave."
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Sage branching out
Today the Sage will discuss another Advisor on the same site as the usual Other Advisor. Seekers may be found here: http://www.slate.com/articles/
1. The Container Store sells lockers for the refrigerator to prevent roommates from "borrowing" your food. The Sage suggests that you invest in one. Try the internet if there is no store like this near you.
Since the parents may already be aware of this dangerous habit, someone should talk to them. She sounds unbalanced, and their intervention could save her life.
2. The Sage notes that he gave you notice that booze is more important than any of his friends. The Sage is surprised any of you kept him in your circle of friends. He obviously is not one.
3. The Sage recommends that you tell her she is acting like a stalker. If she gets upset or continues, de-Friend her and block her number. Consider changing your own number. Send her a copy of "Single White Female" as a parting gift. Consider a restraining order if she does anything threatening.
The Alternate Advisor's phrase is backwards. The correct phrasing when using "let alone" is to list the easier item first, and the harder item next. That is, she should have said, ".. it was impossible to send one text in one evening, let alone 47 texts." The Sage wonders if this Alternate Advisor actually attended journalism school or even took a writing class.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Sage interrupted
Today the Sage has time for only a few Seekers. http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/03/infertile_woman_should_a_man_leave_a_woman_because_she_can_t_have_kids_.html The rest of the line will be addressed later.
1. The Sage assures you that you are not a jerk. After all, having your own biological children would prove your verility, so you would be certain that you would want them and that they would grow to be the people that you want them to be, emulating you in all things. That is what you wish, is it not? Therefore, the Sage can think of many terms more appropriate than simply "jerk."
2. The Sage will not veil your advice through sarcasm. You neither bore nor adopted your siblings. Your parents certainly knew what they were doing when they adopted them, and if they are unable to bear this load on their own, they must must find means to hire some assistance. Many parents with dar fewer children take jobs with alternating hours so that one may always be available for the kids. Parenting is not just feeding, clothing, and housing children; but preparing the children to go on to be independent, competent adults.
3. The Sage urges you to find information from the nearest health department which explains the hazards of fertilizing with human manure. Yes, caution the neighbors, but do it carefully. When the produce nears harvesting, smile and tell the neighbors that you never would have believed that things could grow so well using only human waste for fertilizer.
4. The Sage would remind you that 14 is also an aged where a yougn lady needs some privacy from her 4 younger brothers. The family vacation, as you point out, happens every year. Many people never take such a trip. Tell her the rules you expect her to obey on her trip, and wish her well.
The Sage will complete this post later. Other obligations call.
Now, for the rest of the Wisdom.
5. The Sage applauds your efforts to keep your Minions in line. How better to ensure their absolute fealty and devotion than to make command decisions which leave them no room whatsoever for individuality. Whether Serfs or Minions, one must keep one's underlings intheir places at all times. Remember to control your husband-to-be, as well. You would not want him to falsely believe that he has any control in your and his future life together.
6. The Sage urges you to find an extremely deep and secluded well into which to store your brother's remains. A girl wearing pants and a T-shirt is not "dressing like a boy", but wearing casual clothing. Brava to your daughter for recognizing that children who wear pants get to have more fun and be more daring than those wearing dresses. Offer to buy your brother a dress, if you are unable to get him to the well, once a suitable one is located.
7. Feel free to give advice, but not in the Mystic Cave. Goodbye.
8. The best interim advice the Sage can give you is to permit yourself to mourn, openly and with many tears, while you are home alone or with your significant other. You are taking the correct first step toward accepting your mother's loss. Remember that this ultimately is about her, not about you.
9. The Sage insists that you and your husband discuss what is to be gained or avoided with each option. Without knowing why you each feel as you do, it will be impossible to reach an accord. Perhaps you will be lucky enough not to have any children you might be forced to cut in half.
10. This is not your Cave. The father the uncle stays away from his niece, the more well-balanced and healthy she is likely to be.
11. The Sage will remind you that your first obligation is to your minor children. If you felt your toddler was unsafe with your cousin around, you have no obligation to befriend her further. If she suggests playdates, tell her that you have other friends with whom you have more in common. At the same time, do what you can to monitor the child your cousin bears and act the way you would want someone to act if your child were exposed to whatever actions of your cousin which concern you.
12. The Sage agrees that you cannot be faithful to your brother's withes and to those of his wife. Consider who is the more likely to be hurt in this, and tell her that she is at risk of contracting the gift which keeps giving. If your brother - or even she - becomes angry at you, consider that they have each made a choice.
13. There are empty caves a-plenty upon the Mystic Mountain. Find your own.
14. The Sage recommends that you get Mr. Hughes some help before he loses any opportunity he has to form a bond wiht his child. If he is reluctant, inform him what would be the cost of child-support for what may well be his only child.
15. Explain to your child that having someone else do her work is not only dishonest, but fails to teach her the lessons that the assignment is intended to teach. Speak with the teacher and ask if your daughter may be granted an extension. You need not tell the teacher that the child's father completed the assignment for her, but do point out that the daughter had to use her visitation time with him for the project. The Sage suspects that the father believed that by doing the work himself, he and his child would have more quality time together. Help the instructor see that your child is probably not the only one in this situation.
1. The Sage assures you that you are not a jerk. After all, having your own biological children would prove your verility, so you would be certain that you would want them and that they would grow to be the people that you want them to be, emulating you in all things. That is what you wish, is it not? Therefore, the Sage can think of many terms more appropriate than simply "jerk."
2. The Sage will not veil your advice through sarcasm. You neither bore nor adopted your siblings. Your parents certainly knew what they were doing when they adopted them, and if they are unable to bear this load on their own, they must must find means to hire some assistance. Many parents with dar fewer children take jobs with alternating hours so that one may always be available for the kids. Parenting is not just feeding, clothing, and housing children; but preparing the children to go on to be independent, competent adults.
3. The Sage urges you to find information from the nearest health department which explains the hazards of fertilizing with human manure. Yes, caution the neighbors, but do it carefully. When the produce nears harvesting, smile and tell the neighbors that you never would have believed that things could grow so well using only human waste for fertilizer.
4. The Sage would remind you that 14 is also an aged where a yougn lady needs some privacy from her 4 younger brothers. The family vacation, as you point out, happens every year. Many people never take such a trip. Tell her the rules you expect her to obey on her trip, and wish her well.
The Sage will complete this post later. Other obligations call.
Now, for the rest of the Wisdom.
5. The Sage applauds your efforts to keep your Minions in line. How better to ensure their absolute fealty and devotion than to make command decisions which leave them no room whatsoever for individuality. Whether Serfs or Minions, one must keep one's underlings intheir places at all times. Remember to control your husband-to-be, as well. You would not want him to falsely believe that he has any control in your and his future life together.
6. The Sage urges you to find an extremely deep and secluded well into which to store your brother's remains. A girl wearing pants and a T-shirt is not "dressing like a boy", but wearing casual clothing. Brava to your daughter for recognizing that children who wear pants get to have more fun and be more daring than those wearing dresses. Offer to buy your brother a dress, if you are unable to get him to the well, once a suitable one is located.
7. Feel free to give advice, but not in the Mystic Cave. Goodbye.
8. The best interim advice the Sage can give you is to permit yourself to mourn, openly and with many tears, while you are home alone or with your significant other. You are taking the correct first step toward accepting your mother's loss. Remember that this ultimately is about her, not about you.
9. The Sage insists that you and your husband discuss what is to be gained or avoided with each option. Without knowing why you each feel as you do, it will be impossible to reach an accord. Perhaps you will be lucky enough not to have any children you might be forced to cut in half.
10. This is not your Cave. The father the uncle stays away from his niece, the more well-balanced and healthy she is likely to be.
11. The Sage will remind you that your first obligation is to your minor children. If you felt your toddler was unsafe with your cousin around, you have no obligation to befriend her further. If she suggests playdates, tell her that you have other friends with whom you have more in common. At the same time, do what you can to monitor the child your cousin bears and act the way you would want someone to act if your child were exposed to whatever actions of your cousin which concern you.
12. The Sage agrees that you cannot be faithful to your brother's withes and to those of his wife. Consider who is the more likely to be hurt in this, and tell her that she is at risk of contracting the gift which keeps giving. If your brother - or even she - becomes angry at you, consider that they have each made a choice.
13. There are empty caves a-plenty upon the Mystic Mountain. Find your own.
14. The Sage recommends that you get Mr. Hughes some help before he loses any opportunity he has to form a bond wiht his child. If he is reluctant, inform him what would be the cost of child-support for what may well be his only child.
15. Explain to your child that having someone else do her work is not only dishonest, but fails to teach her the lessons that the assignment is intended to teach. Speak with the teacher and ask if your daughter may be granted an extension. You need not tell the teacher that the child's father completed the assignment for her, but do point out that the daughter had to use her visitation time with him for the project. The Sage suspects that the father believed that by doing the work himself, he and his child would have more quality time together. Help the instructor see that your child is probably not the only one in this situation.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Sage and the Truth setting people free.
Today's Seekers are here: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/03/poisoned_meals_my_mother_in_law_may_be_trying_to_make_me_sick_.single.html#pagebreak_anchor_2
1. The Sage concurs. Your husband's mother most definitely is poinoning you to regain your husband's affections for your own. Your body certainly would not be responding to the stress you are under searching constantly for evidence of her evil designs. However, before you reciprocate, risking poisoning your husband and others in the process, invest in any electronic advice (and they are legion) which is capable of recording voices. Surrepitiously record the exchanges you have with this assassin, and with this evidence ask your husband to speak with his mother about how she interracts with you. In the meantime, employ the ancient technique of killing her with kindness, and offer to assume some of the kitchen duties so that she will not have an opportunity to cause you harm. The Sage is certain that this should at least reduce the poison that is flowing through your system. Also, get some one-on-one help from a trained professional.
2. The Sage recommends that you up the ante in superbness. When he states that something is super, agree that it is "super super". Alternately, model a variety of superlative adjectives in an effort to help his active vocabularity become superior to his present one. You should find that one of these methods works superbly. (The Sage agrees that foot picking is quite disgusting.)
3. The Sage will accept the role as your new therapist. Since you will not tell your current therapist the dark secret that shames you to the core, yet have told the Sage, the latter is obviously in a better position to assist you than your paid professional. Simply e-mail the Sage, whose Minions will send you instructions on how to transfer your funds directly to the Mystic Cave.
4. While the Sage is not in favor of lying to children, the Sage grants you permission to apologize to this couple in order to retain their friendship. An apology will give your or your wife the opportunity to discuss with them, when the child is not about, how much more difficult the truth will be when her friends tell her she is adopted, she denies it, they taunt her for her ignorance, and she finally figures out the truth. Long ago, couples went to great lengths to insure that an adopted child resembled the adoptive parent in order to hide the truth. An inter-racial adoption may leave the child wondering whether her mother had an affair if she is ignorant of the truth.
1. The Sage concurs. Your husband's mother most definitely is poinoning you to regain your husband's affections for your own. Your body certainly would not be responding to the stress you are under searching constantly for evidence of her evil designs. However, before you reciprocate, risking poisoning your husband and others in the process, invest in any electronic advice (and they are legion) which is capable of recording voices. Surrepitiously record the exchanges you have with this assassin, and with this evidence ask your husband to speak with his mother about how she interracts with you. In the meantime, employ the ancient technique of killing her with kindness, and offer to assume some of the kitchen duties so that she will not have an opportunity to cause you harm. The Sage is certain that this should at least reduce the poison that is flowing through your system. Also, get some one-on-one help from a trained professional.
2. The Sage recommends that you up the ante in superbness. When he states that something is super, agree that it is "super super". Alternately, model a variety of superlative adjectives in an effort to help his active vocabularity become superior to his present one. You should find that one of these methods works superbly. (The Sage agrees that foot picking is quite disgusting.)
3. The Sage will accept the role as your new therapist. Since you will not tell your current therapist the dark secret that shames you to the core, yet have told the Sage, the latter is obviously in a better position to assist you than your paid professional. Simply e-mail the Sage, whose Minions will send you instructions on how to transfer your funds directly to the Mystic Cave.
4. While the Sage is not in favor of lying to children, the Sage grants you permission to apologize to this couple in order to retain their friendship. An apology will give your or your wife the opportunity to discuss with them, when the child is not about, how much more difficult the truth will be when her friends tell her she is adopted, she denies it, they taunt her for her ignorance, and she finally figures out the truth. Long ago, couples went to great lengths to insure that an adopted child resembled the adoptive parent in order to hide the truth. An inter-racial adoption may leave the child wondering whether her mother had an affair if she is ignorant of the truth.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The Sage and suspiciously fishy odors
Today's Seekers are located here: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/03/body_odor_my_man_hates_how_i_smell_.single.html#pagebreak_anchor_2
1. The Sage has noticed, over the course of millenia, that smell is an integral component in a relationship. Divorces have been presaged by one person's announcment of disliking the other's odor. Even scientists have noticed that partners nearly always prefer even the most unpleasant odor of their partners to that of others. The Sage needs to inform you that your long-running fiance probably is settling for you, rather than taking the effort to find someone he truly loves. Therefore, you must drench yourself every morning, noon and night with perfumed products to allow you, also, to settle for second best. After all, since he is the only one who has noticed this or at least pointed it out to you, his evaluation certainly is true.
2. The Sage wonders why you think this is such a concern. Perhaps your sister-in-law has found a way to enhance her income, by receiving a "finder's fee" from her law-breaking friends and acquaintances who might avail themselves of this code. Since your true goal is to keep your nephew as the son you never had, call each home listed and report both what you have seen and where you saw it. This should result in the additional incarceration time you wish her to have.
3. The Sage does not grasp why you were not expecting health, curious teens to use their "nests" to set up house in your living room. A forward-thinking adult such as yourself, who eschew such old-fashioned concepts as requiring the young men and the young ladies to sleep in opposite sides of the house, surely must be a popular spot for mixed-gendered parties, particularly your famous sleep-overs. By all means, make the teacher or director of this group aware of your findings, so that you may be commended for your chaperoning skills and moved to the top of the sleep-over hosting list.
(Note to the Other Advisor: Even if the son admits to sexual activities, finding a condom left by one of his friends does not constitute evidence that he himself uses protection.)
4. The Sage reminds you that just as you do your children no favors by doing their homework for them, neither are you doing your dear friend any favors by essentially rewriting his essays for admission into graduate school. Once your realized that you knew he was incapable of writing what you believe to be an appropriate essay, you should have bowed out of reading them. However, should he someone now be admitted to one of this phethora of schools, you have now obligated yourself to doing his graduate coursework via the internet. Depending upon how well you perform for him, you may also need to do his work upon completion of his studies for his future employers, as well.
1. The Sage has noticed, over the course of millenia, that smell is an integral component in a relationship. Divorces have been presaged by one person's announcment of disliking the other's odor. Even scientists have noticed that partners nearly always prefer even the most unpleasant odor of their partners to that of others. The Sage needs to inform you that your long-running fiance probably is settling for you, rather than taking the effort to find someone he truly loves. Therefore, you must drench yourself every morning, noon and night with perfumed products to allow you, also, to settle for second best. After all, since he is the only one who has noticed this or at least pointed it out to you, his evaluation certainly is true.
2. The Sage wonders why you think this is such a concern. Perhaps your sister-in-law has found a way to enhance her income, by receiving a "finder's fee" from her law-breaking friends and acquaintances who might avail themselves of this code. Since your true goal is to keep your nephew as the son you never had, call each home listed and report both what you have seen and where you saw it. This should result in the additional incarceration time you wish her to have.
3. The Sage does not grasp why you were not expecting health, curious teens to use their "nests" to set up house in your living room. A forward-thinking adult such as yourself, who eschew such old-fashioned concepts as requiring the young men and the young ladies to sleep in opposite sides of the house, surely must be a popular spot for mixed-gendered parties, particularly your famous sleep-overs. By all means, make the teacher or director of this group aware of your findings, so that you may be commended for your chaperoning skills and moved to the top of the sleep-over hosting list.
(Note to the Other Advisor: Even if the son admits to sexual activities, finding a condom left by one of his friends does not constitute evidence that he himself uses protection.)
4. The Sage reminds you that just as you do your children no favors by doing their homework for them, neither are you doing your dear friend any favors by essentially rewriting his essays for admission into graduate school. Once your realized that you knew he was incapable of writing what you believe to be an appropriate essay, you should have bowed out of reading them. However, should he someone now be admitted to one of this phethora of schools, you have now obligated yourself to doing his graduate coursework via the internet. Depending upon how well you perform for him, you may also need to do his work upon completion of his studies for his future employers, as well.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Self-serving Seekers
Today's Seekers may be found here: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/02/work_husband_my_wife_is_going_away_with_her_close_work_friend_should_i_worry_.html
1. The Sage concurs that your wife and her former coworker must be evil souls, for daring to become friendly with one another after years of interacting closely at work. You must pack up your young sons and move in with your aged mother while these two are partying at dull business meetins, as no other woman could possibly be good enough for you. This will also ensure that your sons grow up to be as confident and trusting as you obviously are.
(The Sage recently returned from a similar Pilgrimage in a warm location, travelling only with a coworker of the opposite gender - and approximately 5400 other Souls.)
2. The Sage wonders whether your definition of "shrug it off" differs from the Sage's. Generally, this means one has stated that something was of no great import. Perhaps your son is simply not a demonstrative adult. However, to ease your own mind, you must make the "long car drive" to his home and cammp upon his front door until your have forced him into the cathartic experience that apparently only you need. This will surely make him ever more eager to see you.
3. The Sage has met few Souls indeed who do not need the jobs they have. Even when there are employers aplenty begging for one person's services, that person usually needs at least one job. However, not all individuals are cut out for any given job. Someone who is magnificicent at programming or building a computer may have been a terrible surgeon. Give an honest evaluation of this employee, as this is the job for which you are being remunerated now. The Sage is grateful that you are not one of the Minions with your avowed lack of loyalty to your employer, even to the neglect of your current duties.
4. The Sage commends your on your delicate sensibilities, and think you have devised a magnificent plan to force your wonderful housekeeper to deny the call of nature when it strikes. This woman seems to be the definition of "regularity", and it is most assuredly better to force her to rush to a gas station to relieve herself before soiling herself rather than for you simply to providing a strong air freshener in the room which was designed for the purpose for which she is using it.
1. The Sage concurs that your wife and her former coworker must be evil souls, for daring to become friendly with one another after years of interacting closely at work. You must pack up your young sons and move in with your aged mother while these two are partying at dull business meetins, as no other woman could possibly be good enough for you. This will also ensure that your sons grow up to be as confident and trusting as you obviously are.
(The Sage recently returned from a similar Pilgrimage in a warm location, travelling only with a coworker of the opposite gender - and approximately 5400 other Souls.)
2. The Sage wonders whether your definition of "shrug it off" differs from the Sage's. Generally, this means one has stated that something was of no great import. Perhaps your son is simply not a demonstrative adult. However, to ease your own mind, you must make the "long car drive" to his home and cammp upon his front door until your have forced him into the cathartic experience that apparently only you need. This will surely make him ever more eager to see you.
3. The Sage has met few Souls indeed who do not need the jobs they have. Even when there are employers aplenty begging for one person's services, that person usually needs at least one job. However, not all individuals are cut out for any given job. Someone who is magnificicent at programming or building a computer may have been a terrible surgeon. Give an honest evaluation of this employee, as this is the job for which you are being remunerated now. The Sage is grateful that you are not one of the Minions with your avowed lack of loyalty to your employer, even to the neglect of your current duties.
4. The Sage commends your on your delicate sensibilities, and think you have devised a magnificent plan to force your wonderful housekeeper to deny the call of nature when it strikes. This woman seems to be the definition of "regularity", and it is most assuredly better to force her to rush to a gas station to relieve herself before soiling herself rather than for you simply to providing a strong air freshener in the room which was designed for the purpose for which she is using it.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
The Oracle and the Great Sage, together.
Today's Seekers may be found here: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/02/valentine_s_day_advice_on_mismatched_couples_quickie_weddings_and_secret_affairs_.single.html#pagebreak_anchor_2
1. The Oracle says that those embarassed by their beloved are unlikely to remain with them.
The Sage wonders how your children might look.
2. The Oracle says that commitment is more important than time.
The Sage suggests you elope a week before the wedding and have someone surreptitiously record the responses. If you began dating in October, it will have been 11 months since then when you marry.
3. The Oracle recalls that Hell has no fury like a woman scorned.
The Sage relishes the idea of an "accidental" meeting of the two women while you and your fiance are out.
4. The Oracle says neither a borrower nor a lender be.
The Sage would remind you that money can damage even the best relationship. If you know of something that she needs, feel free to offer it, or even buy it outright. There are women and men in the world who prey upon well-to-do bachelors and bachelorettes or widowers and widows. Only your instincts or a private investigator would tell you if she is one fo these or not.
1. The Oracle says that those embarassed by their beloved are unlikely to remain with them.
The Sage wonders how your children might look.
2. The Oracle says that commitment is more important than time.
The Sage suggests you elope a week before the wedding and have someone surreptitiously record the responses. If you began dating in October, it will have been 11 months since then when you marry.
3. The Oracle recalls that Hell has no fury like a woman scorned.
The Sage relishes the idea of an "accidental" meeting of the two women while you and your fiance are out.
4. The Oracle says neither a borrower nor a lender be.
The Sage would remind you that money can damage even the best relationship. If you know of something that she needs, feel free to offer it, or even buy it outright. There are women and men in the world who prey upon well-to-do bachelors and bachelorettes or widowers and widows. Only your instincts or a private investigator would tell you if she is one fo these or not.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Saging out of the family
Today's Seekers are here:
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/02/raising_grandchildren_i_m_resentful_about_my_ruined_retirement_years_.2.html
1. The Sage commends you on having such a wonderful life. How fortunate you are that, unlike your step-daughter, you have found a wonderful man with whom to live out your life. Naturally, putting your life on hold for 28 months or so is beyond reason for any person as generous and kind-hearted as you. Between your husband having reared the loser who bore this child and your own magnanimous attitude, she may be better off babysitting her half-siblings, after all.
2. The Sage agrees that this person enjoys the attention, which rather than compassion is why she had been so helpful. The Sage recommends that you have someone not currently dealing with such grief look up a number of internet articles about children the ages of your non-friend's brood, who are either dying from rare ailments, being arrested for heinous crimes, or whose whereabouts are unknown because of stranger abduction. When she begins her usual come-uppance, tell her that reminds you of an article your recently read, and send her a randomly selected link from this list.
3. The Sage wonders how another couple's copulation or lack thereof has become such fascinating fodder for discussion for you and yours. The next time either of these two mention their sex lives, you should suggest that a professional therapist would be much more appropriate a resource to help them with this segment of their lives than would the gossip fence or the grapevine. The Sage suspects that perhaps the marriage is not as sexless as you believe, but rather the couple felt there was no good way to announce to everyone that they had finally had sex. The rest of you need to drop the subject.
4. The Sage finds it interesting that you would consider an item that you made something to remember this woman by, instead of some object that she made or treasured. Certainly you consider that this was something she indeed treasured, and you thought of her while working on the quilt. Your request to have this item is not unreasonable, but it is unreasonable to expect your husband to get into the fight. Heirlooms, whether made, purchased, or found next to the neighbor's garbage receptacle, belong to the descendants of the deceased. If your husband wants the quilt for himself, then he should have been the one to ask for it.
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/02/raising_grandchildren_i_m_resentful_about_my_ruined_retirement_years_.2.html
1. The Sage commends you on having such a wonderful life. How fortunate you are that, unlike your step-daughter, you have found a wonderful man with whom to live out your life. Naturally, putting your life on hold for 28 months or so is beyond reason for any person as generous and kind-hearted as you. Between your husband having reared the loser who bore this child and your own magnanimous attitude, she may be better off babysitting her half-siblings, after all.
2. The Sage agrees that this person enjoys the attention, which rather than compassion is why she had been so helpful. The Sage recommends that you have someone not currently dealing with such grief look up a number of internet articles about children the ages of your non-friend's brood, who are either dying from rare ailments, being arrested for heinous crimes, or whose whereabouts are unknown because of stranger abduction. When she begins her usual come-uppance, tell her that reminds you of an article your recently read, and send her a randomly selected link from this list.
3. The Sage wonders how another couple's copulation or lack thereof has become such fascinating fodder for discussion for you and yours. The next time either of these two mention their sex lives, you should suggest that a professional therapist would be much more appropriate a resource to help them with this segment of their lives than would the gossip fence or the grapevine. The Sage suspects that perhaps the marriage is not as sexless as you believe, but rather the couple felt there was no good way to announce to everyone that they had finally had sex. The rest of you need to drop the subject.
4. The Sage finds it interesting that you would consider an item that you made something to remember this woman by, instead of some object that she made or treasured. Certainly you consider that this was something she indeed treasured, and you thought of her while working on the quilt. Your request to have this item is not unreasonable, but it is unreasonable to expect your husband to get into the fight. Heirlooms, whether made, purchased, or found next to the neighbor's garbage receptacle, belong to the descendants of the deceased. If your husband wants the quilt for himself, then he should have been the one to ask for it.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Sage answers magazine-inspired Seekers.
Today's Seekers, found at http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/01/sick_spouse_is_it_ok_to_take_a_lover_if_your_husband_can_t_meet_your_needs_.single.html#pagebreak_anchor_2, seem to be created dilemmas from the Lesser Advisor's weekly reading. However, answers will be provided below.
1. The Sage, being such an ancient dispenser of Wisdom, can certainly grasp the enormity of this problem. Sadly, this situation or something like it affects many couples as they age. You, and you alone, are the only person who can answer whether you would be able to do this or whether the guilt would make your proposed situation untenable. Additionally, you must consider what will happen should you develop tender feelings for this hyspothetical individual and what you would be likely to do should this occur.
2. The Sage believes that you have already been far more generous with this woman that any person should be expected to be, when you permitted her to borrow your womb - and indeed, your entire body - for several months. Do not wait until the next large family gathering to speak to her about this situation. Calmly explain that you are delighted that she now has this wonderful daughter. However, it hurts you deeply when she makes these comments about how you appear after having assited her in this way. Tell her simply to refrain from these hurtful comments, adding if necessary that you do not constantly remind her of her inability to bear a child, and that these comments of hers toward you are just as cruel.
3. The Sage would point out that since you hired this individual, he is your responsibility. You are not doing your job of managing him, and must call him into his office to point out in a professional manner how his attitude is undermining the morale within the department. One need not steal the company funds to be disruptive, as you have found out. However, you also must ask yourself how this rather cliquish group seems to the new man. Perhaps when you all get together and chat about past vacations, ask about each others children, pets, and hobbies and use inside jokes, you are inadvertently making him feel like the odd man out, causing him to lash out at each of you.
4. The Sage is bemused that you consider a vacation a time during which any of you need cook. Granted, this can be less expensive and more healthy, but if this is your normal household task, your vacation sounds more like taking your work on the road with you. You must speak to your husband's mother and express your concern that your two households generally do not eat the same. Follow the the assertion that you do not mind cooking for all of you. Then you may suggest that she and her husband might be happier if she cooked for the two of them, and you for thee ones in your own household. At worst, she will not be surprised when you do this on your vacation. Since this obviously will entail more cleanup, you and your husband must be prepared to assist her with cleaning up all the utensils for both of you after each meal. However, if there are many families on this trip, then you need simply to add one or two courses acceptable to you at each meal.
1. The Sage, being such an ancient dispenser of Wisdom, can certainly grasp the enormity of this problem. Sadly, this situation or something like it affects many couples as they age. You, and you alone, are the only person who can answer whether you would be able to do this or whether the guilt would make your proposed situation untenable. Additionally, you must consider what will happen should you develop tender feelings for this hyspothetical individual and what you would be likely to do should this occur.
2. The Sage believes that you have already been far more generous with this woman that any person should be expected to be, when you permitted her to borrow your womb - and indeed, your entire body - for several months. Do not wait until the next large family gathering to speak to her about this situation. Calmly explain that you are delighted that she now has this wonderful daughter. However, it hurts you deeply when she makes these comments about how you appear after having assited her in this way. Tell her simply to refrain from these hurtful comments, adding if necessary that you do not constantly remind her of her inability to bear a child, and that these comments of hers toward you are just as cruel.
3. The Sage would point out that since you hired this individual, he is your responsibility. You are not doing your job of managing him, and must call him into his office to point out in a professional manner how his attitude is undermining the morale within the department. One need not steal the company funds to be disruptive, as you have found out. However, you also must ask yourself how this rather cliquish group seems to the new man. Perhaps when you all get together and chat about past vacations, ask about each others children, pets, and hobbies and use inside jokes, you are inadvertently making him feel like the odd man out, causing him to lash out at each of you.
4. The Sage is bemused that you consider a vacation a time during which any of you need cook. Granted, this can be less expensive and more healthy, but if this is your normal household task, your vacation sounds more like taking your work on the road with you. You must speak to your husband's mother and express your concern that your two households generally do not eat the same. Follow the the assertion that you do not mind cooking for all of you. Then you may suggest that she and her husband might be happier if she cooked for the two of them, and you for thee ones in your own household. At worst, she will not be surprised when you do this on your vacation. Since this obviously will entail more cleanup, you and your husband must be prepared to assist her with cleaning up all the utensils for both of you after each meal. However, if there are many families on this trip, then you need simply to add one or two courses acceptable to you at each meal.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
The Sage addresses bad behaviors.
Today's Seekers may be found here: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/01/make_out_queen_my_bridesmaid_girlfriend_hooked_up_with_three_groomsmen_.single.html#pagebreak_anchor_2
1. The Sage presumes that you never have made out with any women besides your current girlfriend, or that if you have, you moved immediately after it ended to another state in order never to have contact with that women again. Absillutely, you must avoid this wedding and never see this woman again. Do not neglect to move hundreds of miles away from her, in case yo uever find another girlfriend. She deserves to be with a man who can trust her, once she has made a tentative commitment to someone. You obviously are not that man.
2. The Sage suggests that your husband tell his parents that they are adults and may do whatever they wish, whether he approves or not. He must add, however, that he refuses to be involved in any way in these decisions. Encourage your husband to refuse to be executor of their wills one day, as the executor can in some instances, be held fiscally responsible for debts of the estate being handled.
3. The Sage concurs that an adult in a professional setting should not act like a 10-year old. As your husband has found out, this may have serious repercussions. As to your own marriage, insist that the matter now be dropped and not mentioned again by either of you until any trial which may arise from this, but you also need to keep an eye on the household condiments. The Sage disagrees with the Lesser Advisor that your husband's motive was to make his coworker ill, but merely intended to make the coffee taste unpleasant; and recognizes that this still is not the behavior of a responsible adult.
4. The Sage feels almost as bad about your situation as she does about that of the children in this teacher's care. Regardless of circumstance, you must report these actions posthaste. Explain your concerns about your evaluation with the principal, who may be able to provide you a positive evaluation for doing the right thing, or at least locate a different teacher with whom to pair you. These children must not be left in this situation one more day than absolutely necessary. If you are still hesitant, consider that a single parent complaining to a parent may make you equally culpable in the eyes of the principal and your instructors, for having permitted it to continue.
1. The Sage presumes that you never have made out with any women besides your current girlfriend, or that if you have, you moved immediately after it ended to another state in order never to have contact with that women again. Absillutely, you must avoid this wedding and never see this woman again. Do not neglect to move hundreds of miles away from her, in case yo uever find another girlfriend. She deserves to be with a man who can trust her, once she has made a tentative commitment to someone. You obviously are not that man.
2. The Sage suggests that your husband tell his parents that they are adults and may do whatever they wish, whether he approves or not. He must add, however, that he refuses to be involved in any way in these decisions. Encourage your husband to refuse to be executor of their wills one day, as the executor can in some instances, be held fiscally responsible for debts of the estate being handled.
3. The Sage concurs that an adult in a professional setting should not act like a 10-year old. As your husband has found out, this may have serious repercussions. As to your own marriage, insist that the matter now be dropped and not mentioned again by either of you until any trial which may arise from this, but you also need to keep an eye on the household condiments. The Sage disagrees with the Lesser Advisor that your husband's motive was to make his coworker ill, but merely intended to make the coffee taste unpleasant; and recognizes that this still is not the behavior of a responsible adult.
4. The Sage feels almost as bad about your situation as she does about that of the children in this teacher's care. Regardless of circumstance, you must report these actions posthaste. Explain your concerns about your evaluation with the principal, who may be able to provide you a positive evaluation for doing the right thing, or at least locate a different teacher with whom to pair you. These children must not be left in this situation one more day than absolutely necessary. If you are still hesitant, consider that a single parent complaining to a parent may make you equally culpable in the eyes of the principal and your instructors, for having permitted it to continue.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Postdated Sage
The Sage has been speechless the last few days and therefore unable to address this week's Seekers. However, with the assistance of one the the Sage's more vocal Minions, this will be remedied now. As the Sage was unable to speak previously, credit is given to other views postulated by other Advisors.
The Seekers may be found here: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/01/i_farted_in_front_of_my_boyfriend_.single.html
1. The Sage would note that people naturally have gas in their digestive systems, which naturally comes out, one way or the other. If your boyfriend expects a woman who is not a real person, perhaps he would be better off purchasing a Stepford Wife. (The Sage is referring to the type from the book, not from the movie.)
2. The Sage recommends that when someone states that they do not wish to discuss a confidence earlier shared, that the individual means just that. Do not discuss this further, and do not act differently than you did before. When she is ill enough for this to impact her ability to perform as a professional and as a mother, she will then do what needs to be done. Ignore the advice of the busybody Lesser Advisor.*
*Another Advisor has rightfully pointed out that perhaps this individual made up this tale while tipsy, and is now embarassed at the fabrication.
3. The Sage suspects there is a reason that you went to live with your grandmother rather than with your own father, and that you now have seen only a part of the reason. Remind your girlfriend that if you were not with her, you might well be with some other woman, and your father's reaction would be the same. You both need to write him off for the overzealous bigot that he apparently is.
4. The Sage is rather surprised at this alleged dilemma; although, it most certainly does happen that people sometimes hide their income, or else live in a valuable property that they can ill afford to keep.** Be assured that those in the position of making a final decision regarding her financial assistance research the backgrounds of their candidates thoroughly, including determining their applicants' parents approximate net worth. This is not your responsibility.
** Other Advisors have correctly mentioned that people often live on the properties of friends, relatives, employers, or even as boarders; without the owners' income being part of that of the residents'. Others have pointed out that even well-off students may need assistance to attend certain private institutions.
The Seekers may be found here: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/01/i_farted_in_front_of_my_boyfriend_.single.html
1. The Sage would note that people naturally have gas in their digestive systems, which naturally comes out, one way or the other. If your boyfriend expects a woman who is not a real person, perhaps he would be better off purchasing a Stepford Wife. (The Sage is referring to the type from the book, not from the movie.)
2. The Sage recommends that when someone states that they do not wish to discuss a confidence earlier shared, that the individual means just that. Do not discuss this further, and do not act differently than you did before. When she is ill enough for this to impact her ability to perform as a professional and as a mother, she will then do what needs to be done. Ignore the advice of the busybody Lesser Advisor.*
*Another Advisor has rightfully pointed out that perhaps this individual made up this tale while tipsy, and is now embarassed at the fabrication.
3. The Sage suspects there is a reason that you went to live with your grandmother rather than with your own father, and that you now have seen only a part of the reason. Remind your girlfriend that if you were not with her, you might well be with some other woman, and your father's reaction would be the same. You both need to write him off for the overzealous bigot that he apparently is.
4. The Sage is rather surprised at this alleged dilemma; although, it most certainly does happen that people sometimes hide their income, or else live in a valuable property that they can ill afford to keep.** Be assured that those in the position of making a final decision regarding her financial assistance research the backgrounds of their candidates thoroughly, including determining their applicants' parents approximate net worth. This is not your responsibility.
** Other Advisors have correctly mentioned that people often live on the properties of friends, relatives, employers, or even as boarders; without the owners' income being part of that of the residents'. Others have pointed out that even well-off students may need assistance to attend certain private institutions.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Sage replies to Monday's Seekers from Tuesday on Wednesday
1. The Sage wonders whether your ex is the gentleman who consulted the Lesser Advisor some time back, inquiring about the wisdom of having sex with the nanny. Your focus does need to be your offspring. The only way to control who their step-mother will be would to ensure that no step-mother is possible. However, homicide might also remove the possibility of them having a mother, as well.
2. The Sage agrees that recipients of gifts must show some appreciation. Perhaps your aunt has gone around a bend most of us would prefer to avoid, and this is why your uncle has finally intervened. Should you receive an old calendar in the future, thank her for the pretty pictures. Some people who do crafts appreciate a good, out of date calendar.
3. The Sage recommends that you and your son each poffer a sincere apology for the accident. In your apology, admit that the item was irreplaceable, but resist the temptation to mention that such treasures should not be left where children might accidentally crash into them.
4. The Sage wonders why your assurance was that you would not tell - yet later did - rather than that someone who truly loves her would forgive her behavior, especially if it was not repeated. Explain now that the boy was upset, and when people are upset, they try and usually succeed to hurt the other person's feelings. The Sage suspects you have unusually high expectations for this small child.
5. The Sage does not believe that your desire to meet your children's new sibling is unreasonable, but does agree that it might be better for you to wait until the child has arrived home, unless an explicit invitation has been extended for you to join the family at the hospital. If you are not sure whether such an invitation to the children was meant to include you, you have the Sage's permission to ask the parents-to-be.
6. The Sage thanks you for not rudely pointing out to your father and uncle how rude they were being to share a private joke in a large setting, much less to be using the cell phone at dinner. Let it go. Perhaps try to separate these children at the next family meal.
7. Which Minion let you in here?
8. You are late. Also, Seekers may only visit the Mystic Cave once with the same concern, especially if it has been resolved. However, grandparents who measure their love for a grandchild based on her newly-revealed biology do not deserve a relationship with her.
9. The Sage must remind you that you have no rights regarding your ex's legally made decisions. Be assured that if she were not of legal majority, he would not be seen in public with her. Under no circumstance may you consider using your children as spies, so do not ask.
10. The Sage disagrees that this woman is your friend. A friend would know that you would have been divorced by now, and would be happy that you are moving on with your life.
11. Again, the Sage must remind you that you have no rights regarding your husband's legally made decisions. Unless you believe your children will be lying awake while your husband and his girlfriend copulate, this is none of your business; it is at least not your place to instruct him on correct behavior.
Any other Seekers gathered at the Mystic Cave to ask how to control an ex's behavior with his or her new love, please leave now.
12. The Sage wonders how you surmised that she forced your father's hand. Perhaps she is retaining your father's estate only until her own death, at which time, the remaining estate will be divided between the progeny both of herself and of your father.
13. The Sage will reply that when your children's emotional well-being is at stake, you must be direct and forthcoming. Explain to your bride that the two of you immediately will taking courses or counselling to help you each know what to expect of the children and how properly to deal with them. Add that this is non-negotiable.
14. The Sage suggests that you continue to see your father when your brother does, so that he is not overwhelmed by your father's beliefs. Once you are both of age, you may each do as you wish regarding this relationship. Your father's mind is made up, and he does not wish to be confused with facts, such as that he was not refused permission to see each of you, despite of his warped opinions.
15. The Sage would prefer that you speak privately with this person and explain that this behavior was ill advised, but not as ill advised as posting this picture in a public place. Encourage her to remove the picture and not to repeat the behavior.
2. The Sage agrees that recipients of gifts must show some appreciation. Perhaps your aunt has gone around a bend most of us would prefer to avoid, and this is why your uncle has finally intervened. Should you receive an old calendar in the future, thank her for the pretty pictures. Some people who do crafts appreciate a good, out of date calendar.
3. The Sage recommends that you and your son each poffer a sincere apology for the accident. In your apology, admit that the item was irreplaceable, but resist the temptation to mention that such treasures should not be left where children might accidentally crash into them.
4. The Sage wonders why your assurance was that you would not tell - yet later did - rather than that someone who truly loves her would forgive her behavior, especially if it was not repeated. Explain now that the boy was upset, and when people are upset, they try and usually succeed to hurt the other person's feelings. The Sage suspects you have unusually high expectations for this small child.
5. The Sage does not believe that your desire to meet your children's new sibling is unreasonable, but does agree that it might be better for you to wait until the child has arrived home, unless an explicit invitation has been extended for you to join the family at the hospital. If you are not sure whether such an invitation to the children was meant to include you, you have the Sage's permission to ask the parents-to-be.
6. The Sage thanks you for not rudely pointing out to your father and uncle how rude they were being to share a private joke in a large setting, much less to be using the cell phone at dinner. Let it go. Perhaps try to separate these children at the next family meal.
7. Which Minion let you in here?
8. You are late. Also, Seekers may only visit the Mystic Cave once with the same concern, especially if it has been resolved. However, grandparents who measure their love for a grandchild based on her newly-revealed biology do not deserve a relationship with her.
9. The Sage must remind you that you have no rights regarding your ex's legally made decisions. Be assured that if she were not of legal majority, he would not be seen in public with her. Under no circumstance may you consider using your children as spies, so do not ask.
10. The Sage disagrees that this woman is your friend. A friend would know that you would have been divorced by now, and would be happy that you are moving on with your life.
11. Again, the Sage must remind you that you have no rights regarding your husband's legally made decisions. Unless you believe your children will be lying awake while your husband and his girlfriend copulate, this is none of your business; it is at least not your place to instruct him on correct behavior.
Any other Seekers gathered at the Mystic Cave to ask how to control an ex's behavior with his or her new love, please leave now.
12. The Sage wonders how you surmised that she forced your father's hand. Perhaps she is retaining your father's estate only until her own death, at which time, the remaining estate will be divided between the progeny both of herself and of your father.
13. The Sage will reply that when your children's emotional well-being is at stake, you must be direct and forthcoming. Explain to your bride that the two of you immediately will taking courses or counselling to help you each know what to expect of the children and how properly to deal with them. Add that this is non-negotiable.
14. The Sage suggests that you continue to see your father when your brother does, so that he is not overwhelmed by your father's beliefs. Once you are both of age, you may each do as you wish regarding this relationship. Your father's mind is made up, and he does not wish to be confused with facts, such as that he was not refused permission to see each of you, despite of his warped opinions.
15. The Sage would prefer that you speak privately with this person and explain that this behavior was ill advised, but not as ill advised as posting this picture in a public place. Encourage her to remove the picture and not to repeat the behavior.
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